Surgery Update

We arrived home yesterday from Toronto with Maddux, fresh from surgery. So far he is doing ok. It's going to be a long 4 months of recovery but we will get through it. We have currently changed the living room area to a recovery area with a large bed on the floor and the tv and everything we need to prevent Maddux from being alone. We are lucky enough to not have be alone for very long in the next few days as if we are out my parents will be here to watch him while they work. Here's hoping all goes well and we don't have to do this ever again.

Surgery

Giving mommy kisses

Chris and I are at my brother, Denis and sister in law, Laura's place in Allliston, while Maddux is in Toronto having surgery as I write this post. Our little guy stayed at the hospital last night and will be there for another 2 nights. He will then have 4 months of recovery and not 8 weeks as we were originally told by our vet. He will be limited to one floor of the home for 4 months, no stairs, no swimming, no running, on a leash for everything, which will be soooo much fun as we live in a 4 level side split home, so there are stairs everywhere and my parents are moving in and will be living on the main floor area of the home so it will be a hard situation. Thank god they are great and will help with Maddux along the way. We will also build him a ramp to go up to the second deck in the back yard which will give him access to the second floor.

It was hard leaving him there yesterday as he has not ever been alone for that long, he has stayed in a kennel once but he had Jake with him. It's so hard with dogs as there is no way to explain to them what they are going through. If it was a child I could at least let him know that it's for his own good and tell him what will happen. With Maddux he has no clue....:( He is at the Veterinary Emergency Clinic in Toronto and they seem to be really nice and focused on the animals. I spoke to his Dr. this am and feel really good about her being his Dr.

Chris and I will be staying at Den's place until Friday and then will stay in Toronto on Friday night. I have a conference at the CN Tower on Friday all day and we have to pick up Maddux on Saturday so it just makes sense to stay in TO on Friday night.

I'll post more when I know more. Thanks in advance for all the good vibes I know you will all send.

5 yrs ago today I married my best friend

Five years ago today, Chris and I were basking in the warmth of the Dominican Republic waiting to become husband and wife. It was a gorgeous day, beautiful blue skies. I married my best friend that day, and I never thought I could love him any more than I did that day but as the years go by, we grow closer and closer and my love for him has grown in ways I can't even describe. I never knew there was love like this out there and I found it, I feel so blessed to have him in my life, not only as my life partner but also as my best friend. Chris is the one person I can tell anything to. I never have to worry about being judged or mistrusted by my words. He is always there to listen and give advice when needed. We often say that our relationship is evenly balanced and it truly is, when I'm down he is my rock and vise versa. I would marry him again any day and to know that we will grow old together and soon start a family is something I couldn't have imagined before he came into my life.

"You are the love of my life, my partner, and most of all my friend. I thank you for all you do for me, for your support, for looking at me the way you do, for making me feel loved and needed. You are everything to me and I couldn't have asked for better. Here's to many more...!!!"

I woke up this morning and to my surprise I found a beautiful bouquet of flowers, a card and a beautiful anniversary frame with our wedding picture in it. I cried and cried and cried... just like our wedding day. he is so sweet and thoughtful. Here's a picture.

5 Months waiting...

Yesterday marked 5 months waiting for our referral. You know you are in a good place when the day passes you by and you don't even notice. Here's to another month down and hopefully not much more than 5 months left to go.

We are now offically 5 months closer to our son. Definitely a time to celebrate.

happy/sad

I "borrowed" this post from another blogger. It was so beautifully said that I needed to share.

I have been emotionally fighting between HAPPY and SAD lately.....
Happy to be an Aunt....... Sad not to be a mom
Happy to see my nieces grow from day one....... Sad to miss the early lives of our children (to be)
Happy to be adopting...... Sad not to feel them grow in me
Happy not to be going through a delivery......... Sad not to be breast feeding them
Happy to be going to Africa...... Sad not to be planning the trip yet
Happy for others referrals of Beautiful children...... Sad to not know when it will happen for us
Happy that life has taken me on this journey and met amazing people..... Sad that it is so hard and so longgggggg
Happy to spend time with my family..... Sad that I don't have my own yet (well hubby and dog)
Happy to be alive, healthy and breathing........ Sad to be getting older and more tired
Happy that I have the most AMAZING husband...... Sad not to see him be a DAD yet
Happy to TRUELY want children and not take it for granted.... Sad not to really live it
Happy to have the means to get what is needed for our family...... Sad I can't get things ready yet (don't know what ages, sex or number 1-2) DAMN Limbo!!!!
ETC ETC ETC
One minute I am thankful and happy and the next I am sad and frustrated. I feel menopausal.... yikes...... I figure maybe a year from now it will HOPEFULLY be a reality. I don't want to wait to live but it is hard not to dwell on the WHEN. It is an effort to live in the moment right now. But I do not want to look back and think.... man.... I should have lived EVERY minute.... life is too short.

Busy, Busy, Busy

Hi All, I know I haven't been writing much lately but I have been busy, busy, busy. Which is great. I can't believe i'll be at 5 mths already on Saturday, the last 2 months just flew by. I think it helps that I recovered from my last post within a few hours, only one good cry and I was good to go. I started my new career and feel that it will be great. So far I like it and I think I will really like it when I know more of what i'm doing...:) I wish you all were in the same happy place that i'm in right now, keeping busy and not thinking of adoption every minute of every day. I haven't had that in a year and it feels great. Don't get me wrong, Kaysen is always on my mind but he is now just there and not taking over my life. I sooooo hope this continues for the next few months.

My mom and dad have now sold their home and will be moving in by June 10, so we are now under construction/renovations. They started on the large shed last week and i'm guessing will have that finished by the weekend and then they will get started on the inside. I look forward to having it all done but I think we will be in renovations for the next year but i'll keep you all posted to our progress, something new to blog about....yahooooooo.

Looks like I will be doing some traveling next month as well so that will make next month fly as well.

Another bit of news we have, which is not necessarily good, is that our poor Maddux needs surgery. Looks like he has thorn all the ligaments in his one knee and will need surgery to repair. We did try to let him recover on his own as the surgery cost a small fortune but he has somehow ended up with more damage and can only be repaired by surgery. He will be having surgery in Toronto in 2 weeks and will need 8 weeks of full hard recovery. No stairs (my house has 4 levels, which should be fun) , leashed all the time when outside, and much more rules that i'm sure we don't even know about yet. But it is so sad to see him in such pain that it will be worth it if he can walk normal again, he is such an active dog that he is going crazy having to stay home all the time while the other dogs get to play and go for walks. Here's hoping all goes well.

Well that's it for today, just wanted to let you all know, that things are good and that the last post was just a moment, nothing like i've been before. Thank you all for your wonderful comments of support and encouragement.

More bad news....

Wow, this title is becoming a regular title in my blog. Of course, seeing as I've been in a great place lately and accepting things as they come and keeping myself busy there has to be something to bring it down. I contacted the agency yesterday because I had read that the wait was not extended and I wanted to hear it from them to make sure. I received an email response this morning explaining that they are currently working on May 08 dossiers, which makes my 8-10 month waiting now 11+ of waiting. It's just so hard to maintain high spirits when you keep getting extended, in 4 months it's been extended by 4 months, makes me wonder what the time line will be once I actually get close to October/November of this year. I have been fighting an internal battle with myself all day to stay strong and keep smiling but it's hard. So instead I had a good cry and ruined the whole day, at least now I can move on and keep smiling...:) Tomorrow is a new day with a beautiful sunshine.

ONE YEAR

WOW, one year since this journey began, and where are we now? We are 4 months in to waiting for the referral of our wonderful son and going strong. I won't lie and say this last year has been an easy one, the home study process was nerve racking, the holidays were really hard to get through with a smile and the first few months on 2009 were really hard with delays and new laws and things changing all the time. But the last 2 months have been great, i've started a new job, we started reno's in the house and the beautiful sunshine is finally coming out to great us. The way I look at is that we made it through one year we can go another. I'm sure there will still be many ups and downs to come but right now we are in a good place and the time is passing by fast enough so i'm riding with it and smiling and just feeling good about the whole process. Do I want my son home more than ever, absolutely, but realistically it will still be approx. 1 year before we get to have him home, so we accept it and move forward.

I would like to take this time to thank everyone for the great support in the last year. My family has been so amazing and supportive, always there to listen and cry with me. My husband has been my rock and without him this journey would have ended a long time ago. and my new adoption community friends, those I have chatted with on the phone, met in person and those I have grown a friendship through online discussions and email, you are all amazing, and you all make this journey easier. I can't wait to look back in years from now when we all have our little ones home and we are discussing what cute things they did that day.

I do hope that next year at this time I'll have Kaysen in my arms and can hardly find the time to blog but if not I know my support system, my family and my husband will get me through it. Things happen in this journey that we can't control and we all lose hope now and then but it does happen and families do actually get complete, so as long as I keep believing it will happen then I think we will be ok.

Doggy Art

Kaysen Art

I saw this on Rhonda's blog and thought it was just amazing. So I made my own. Rhonda is a fellow adoptive mother who is leaving to pick up her daughter Eden on Sunday. She has been waiting a long time to bring her little girl home, here's to all them staying safe and being home soon.

WOW 4 Months

Where did this last month go, I can't believe i'm writing this 4 month post already, it feels like I wrote the 3 mth post just yesterday. I guess i've been keeping myself busy, here's hoping it can stay that way. I feel with the new job, the home renovations and the events to come in the next few months time should go by faster. So today I raise my glass (actually cup of coffee) to 4 months and on to 5.

I got the job!!!!!!!1

I received a late night phone call last night for the Regional Manager of Jostens (www.josten.com) to tell me that I got the position of Northern Ontario Sales Representative for their company if I would like it and I said "Yes" I would. So what does this mean for me and real estate.... not to sure at this point. I am not letting go of my license, but I do want to focus all my energy into this new position so I will be playing it by ear and see what happens. It felt so good to get the position, I can't wait to get started. This means a steady income every two weeks, which will give the opportunity to budget a little better before our little guy comes home. Although I will be travelling more with this position, I am doing for Kaysen and his future. Knowing that I will be making a certain amount of money each year means alot to me as right now I go day by day not knowing if a deal will close. Just yesterday, right before the call I found out one of my deals was not going to close meaning I lost over 6K in 2 minutes, so this position will not only give me a new challenge and keep me busy for years to come but will also provide us with peace of mind every month. Yahoooo, I can't wait to start next week.

What a wonderful surprise.

Yesterday I received a wonderful surprise from my sister. The beautiful bouquet of Gerber Daisies pictured below, which happen to be my favorite flowers. Why you may ask? Just because, she said she knows how hard this journey is for me and that I struggle everyday to get through it. She figured this would brighten one of my days. And did it ever.

Ren, Thank you so much for your constant love and support. I know I sometimes think negative about this journey and it's only because I hurt so much on the inside. Thank you for always being there to listen and to bring positivity back to the journey. You always speak of Kaysen as if he were already a large member of the family and that means a great deal to me. I know you want him home as much as we do and to know he is going to come home to such a loving and caring aunt makes it even better. I love you very much and thank god for a sister that I can also call my Friend.

xoxox

Weird feeling

Today I went and purchased a few bins to store Kaysen's stuff while we get the office ready and his room ready. I know I should have felt happy that his stuff was being stored to make room to get his room ready (which I won't do until after the referral) but I was sad. Sad that I won't get to see his stuff there everyday, sad thinking "Will I ever get to actually use this stuff? and if so, when?" and mostly sad because he isn't coming home for a long time and I want him home. This year will be a busy year for us as my parents will be moving in (once there home sells) and we will be renovating the house to accomodate them and give everyone their own space, but I still don't think it will be busy enough to make time go by faster. The great thing is that we will be busy with all kinds of stuff to maybe not have time to sit around and drown in self pitty.

It will be so nice to have my parents around for Kaysen. They won't be here all year round as they plan to travel now that my dad is retired, which will be nice as i'm sure we will all need a break from each other once in a while but I feel this is a good move and it will be great to have them around once Kaysen get's here. Once the attachement/adjusting stage is someone passed, meaning he knows who his mommy and daddy is, he will love to get to know them more and have them around. The first few months home may be tougher for him as he needs to sort of stick with Chris and I only but then i'm sure i'll never see him .... which may not be a good thing for me. My parents will be so happy to see him everyday, and to make them and him happy will be a great feeling. I think having not had children for so long, Chris and I will appreciate the extra help, and the occasional breaks. Even adoptive parents who go through what we are all going through will someday need a break, it's normal, it's life. I can already picture him running down to greet his "Memere and Pepere" in the morning, and the joy my parents will get from it fills my heart. I guess i'm just very family oriented and love to make my family smile. Wish us luck.... !!!

I missed my Eleventh Month day yesterday, so here is my Eleventh Month post.

It has now been Eleven months since our journey began, how crazy is that, just one month short of a year. So far things have been going well. I'm taking things on a day to day basis and just trying to stay busy as to not worry to much about everything else, and so far it's helping. It has been a great 11 months, filled with ups and downs, however, i'm not sure if I would like to do it again. (I say that know, but I know I WILL do it again for #2). Anyways, not much else to say, except thank you all for sharing and supporting us for another month.

World Baseball Classic 2009

Chris and I just got back from our trip to Toronto. We went there to watch the World Baseball Classic CAN VS USA game on Saturday and had a great time. CAN ended up losing but it was a close game right to the last swing. We always have such a great time at these events and can't wait to have Kaysen with us to enjoy it as well. We also stopped by the IKEA store and I bought a few things for Kaysen, among small item we purchased a toy organizer with multi size bins, and a great art easle, on one side it's a chalk board, on the other a white board, we realize he won't be using for a year or so, after his arrival, but for $20 you can't go wrong.

Here are a few pics of the game.

I know, I know "We are too cute" lol

Derek Jeter giving the eyes from afar...lol

World Baseball Classic

Rogers Centre, Toronto ON

March 7th 2009

CAN 5 USA 6

Congratulations

Just wanted to post a Congratulations to a friend who has become a forever mommy this week. I am so happy for you T, your baby is a blessing and you deserve to be blessed. You will be an amazing mother and I can't wait to watch you all grow together.

Update on Valentine's Day

In my Valentine's Day post I mentioned I would show you all the gift Chris got, well here it finally is. Isn't it the cutest little thing, and the word "HOPE"...enough said. thank you my love for the wonderful gift and for bringing Kaysen into our home every chance you get. xoxoxo

Secret Pal Gift

I received my gift from my secret pal today and all I can is WOW, it brought tears to my eyes. It's a picture box for my son's room with "Kaysen" engraved on the cover. How amazing is my secret pal, she is so thoughtful. Not only to think of my future child but to take the time to get his name engraved was over the top.
Thank you so very much, it's very appreciated.

I know you can't really see it, but that is "KAYSEN" engraved.

One for the ladies

I was reading Claire's (BCmommy) blog and saw this video. This video describes how women bond, how women share and how women over come, just by being there for each other. I know that without all the women in my life, at home, a far, or online, this journey would be alot harder.