5 yrs ago today I married my best friend

Five years ago today, Chris and I were basking in the warmth of the Dominican Republic waiting to become husband and wife. It was a gorgeous day, beautiful blue skies. I married my best friend that day, and I never thought I could love him any more than I did that day but as the years go by, we grow closer and closer and my love for him has grown in ways I can't even describe. I never knew there was love like this out there and I found it, I feel so blessed to have him in my life, not only as my life partner but also as my best friend. Chris is the one person I can tell anything to. I never have to worry about being judged or mistrusted by my words. He is always there to listen and give advice when needed. We often say that our relationship is evenly balanced and it truly is, when I'm down he is my rock and vise versa. I would marry him again any day and to know that we will grow old together and soon start a family is something I couldn't have imagined before he came into my life.

"You are the love of my life, my partner, and most of all my friend. I thank you for all you do for me, for your support, for looking at me the way you do, for making me feel loved and needed. You are everything to me and I couldn't have asked for better. Here's to many more...!!!"

I woke up this morning and to my surprise I found a beautiful bouquet of flowers, a card and a beautiful anniversary frame with our wedding picture in it. I cried and cried and cried... just like our wedding day. he is so sweet and thoughtful. Here's a picture.

5 Months waiting...

Yesterday marked 5 months waiting for our referral. You know you are in a good place when the day passes you by and you don't even notice. Here's to another month down and hopefully not much more than 5 months left to go.

We are now offically 5 months closer to our son. Definitely a time to celebrate.

happy/sad

I "borrowed" this post from another blogger. It was so beautifully said that I needed to share.

I have been emotionally fighting between HAPPY and SAD lately.....
Happy to be an Aunt....... Sad not to be a mom
Happy to see my nieces grow from day one....... Sad to miss the early lives of our children (to be)
Happy to be adopting...... Sad not to feel them grow in me
Happy not to be going through a delivery......... Sad not to be breast feeding them
Happy to be going to Africa...... Sad not to be planning the trip yet
Happy for others referrals of Beautiful children...... Sad to not know when it will happen for us
Happy that life has taken me on this journey and met amazing people..... Sad that it is so hard and so longgggggg
Happy to spend time with my family..... Sad that I don't have my own yet (well hubby and dog)
Happy to be alive, healthy and breathing........ Sad to be getting older and more tired
Happy that I have the most AMAZING husband...... Sad not to see him be a DAD yet
Happy to TRUELY want children and not take it for granted.... Sad not to really live it
Happy to have the means to get what is needed for our family...... Sad I can't get things ready yet (don't know what ages, sex or number 1-2) DAMN Limbo!!!!
ETC ETC ETC
One minute I am thankful and happy and the next I am sad and frustrated. I feel menopausal.... yikes...... I figure maybe a year from now it will HOPEFULLY be a reality. I don't want to wait to live but it is hard not to dwell on the WHEN. It is an effort to live in the moment right now. But I do not want to look back and think.... man.... I should have lived EVERY minute.... life is too short.

Busy, Busy, Busy

Hi All, I know I haven't been writing much lately but I have been busy, busy, busy. Which is great. I can't believe i'll be at 5 mths already on Saturday, the last 2 months just flew by. I think it helps that I recovered from my last post within a few hours, only one good cry and I was good to go. I started my new career and feel that it will be great. So far I like it and I think I will really like it when I know more of what i'm doing...:) I wish you all were in the same happy place that i'm in right now, keeping busy and not thinking of adoption every minute of every day. I haven't had that in a year and it feels great. Don't get me wrong, Kaysen is always on my mind but he is now just there and not taking over my life. I sooooo hope this continues for the next few months.

My mom and dad have now sold their home and will be moving in by June 10, so we are now under construction/renovations. They started on the large shed last week and i'm guessing will have that finished by the weekend and then they will get started on the inside. I look forward to having it all done but I think we will be in renovations for the next year but i'll keep you all posted to our progress, something new to blog about....yahooooooo.

Looks like I will be doing some traveling next month as well so that will make next month fly as well.

Another bit of news we have, which is not necessarily good, is that our poor Maddux needs surgery. Looks like he has thorn all the ligaments in his one knee and will need surgery to repair. We did try to let him recover on his own as the surgery cost a small fortune but he has somehow ended up with more damage and can only be repaired by surgery. He will be having surgery in Toronto in 2 weeks and will need 8 weeks of full hard recovery. No stairs (my house has 4 levels, which should be fun) , leashed all the time when outside, and much more rules that i'm sure we don't even know about yet. But it is so sad to see him in such pain that it will be worth it if he can walk normal again, he is such an active dog that he is going crazy having to stay home all the time while the other dogs get to play and go for walks. Here's hoping all goes well.

Well that's it for today, just wanted to let you all know, that things are good and that the last post was just a moment, nothing like i've been before. Thank you all for your wonderful comments of support and encouragement.

More bad news....

Wow, this title is becoming a regular title in my blog. Of course, seeing as I've been in a great place lately and accepting things as they come and keeping myself busy there has to be something to bring it down. I contacted the agency yesterday because I had read that the wait was not extended and I wanted to hear it from them to make sure. I received an email response this morning explaining that they are currently working on May 08 dossiers, which makes my 8-10 month waiting now 11+ of waiting. It's just so hard to maintain high spirits when you keep getting extended, in 4 months it's been extended by 4 months, makes me wonder what the time line will be once I actually get close to October/November of this year. I have been fighting an internal battle with myself all day to stay strong and keep smiling but it's hard. So instead I had a good cry and ruined the whole day, at least now I can move on and keep smiling...:) Tomorrow is a new day with a beautiful sunshine.

ONE YEAR

WOW, one year since this journey began, and where are we now? We are 4 months in to waiting for the referral of our wonderful son and going strong. I won't lie and say this last year has been an easy one, the home study process was nerve racking, the holidays were really hard to get through with a smile and the first few months on 2009 were really hard with delays and new laws and things changing all the time. But the last 2 months have been great, i've started a new job, we started reno's in the house and the beautiful sunshine is finally coming out to great us. The way I look at is that we made it through one year we can go another. I'm sure there will still be many ups and downs to come but right now we are in a good place and the time is passing by fast enough so i'm riding with it and smiling and just feeling good about the whole process. Do I want my son home more than ever, absolutely, but realistically it will still be approx. 1 year before we get to have him home, so we accept it and move forward.

I would like to take this time to thank everyone for the great support in the last year. My family has been so amazing and supportive, always there to listen and cry with me. My husband has been my rock and without him this journey would have ended a long time ago. and my new adoption community friends, those I have chatted with on the phone, met in person and those I have grown a friendship through online discussions and email, you are all amazing, and you all make this journey easier. I can't wait to look back in years from now when we all have our little ones home and we are discussing what cute things they did that day.

I do hope that next year at this time I'll have Kaysen in my arms and can hardly find the time to blog but if not I know my support system, my family and my husband will get me through it. Things happen in this journey that we can't control and we all lose hope now and then but it does happen and families do actually get complete, so as long as I keep believing it will happen then I think we will be ok.

Doggy Art

Kaysen Art

I saw this on Rhonda's blog and thought it was just amazing. So I made my own. Rhonda is a fellow adoptive mother who is leaving to pick up her daughter Eden on Sunday. She has been waiting a long time to bring her little girl home, here's to all them staying safe and being home soon.