Thursday, December 31, 2009
Happy New Year to all. It's kind of weird that we celebrated a new year 3 hours before Chris and my sister's family did, this was definitely a first for us all.
What will 2010 bring us? I tend to wonder that a lot lately, but first I must reflect on 2009.
2009 was a rough year for us. I remember writing my new year's post last year full of hope that I would know what my son looked like by this time and even hope that we would be planning to pick him up soon, however things didn't work out that way.
We started the year on a rough note as the time lines kept getting extended, but we found the strenght to keep going and keep hoping as the months went by. I began a new job in March which kept me nice and busy not even having time to dwell on the long wait, which was a nice relief. My beautiful nephew was born June 2009 and I envisioned myself holding my son shortly. I was enjoying my new position, traveling and feeling good about our life and our journey when all went wrong in July with the news of the bankruptcy. Since that day, life has not been the same. Some things have changed for the better and others for the worst. The worst is obviously the fact that our son won't be home for awhile still, but the good things were that I learned to live for myself again and not just for Kaysen. I had become so involved in the adoption journey that I lost myself and my way of living, every thing I did was for Kaysen, I wouldn't try new things until he would get home, not a decision was made without thinking of how it would effect him. Well not that I don't think of him every day now, but I also think of myself and the life Chris and I have to live until he gets home. Our life is so important and placing it on hold any longer is just not right. We will celebrate Kaysen upon his arrival, but until then this is our year to enjoy ourselves and learn who we are again.
2010 will bring us new adventures in a new home in a new city with all new surroundings.
2010 will bring us happiness and love
2010 will allow us to discover new things
2010 will allow us to rediscover ourselves and what we want to do with our lives
2010 will be the year for us. It may not be the year we become parents, but it will be our year, our year to live life to the fullest, to enjoy our time together, to celebrate the blessings of someday becoming parents and most of all it will be our year to grow.
Cheers to 2010, may it bring us love and joy and may it also bring us one year closer to our son.
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Good luck at your new job, i'm so proud of you and can't wait to join you in our new adventure.
Love you love you love you.
Friday, December 25, 2009
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Every year my life with you gets better and better. You are truly my soul mate, my lover and my best friend. I thank you for your daily support and encouragement and for always believing in our adventures. This year has been a tough one for us but the strenght of our love allowed us to get through it and be stronger for it, I thank you for that as well.
We are about to embark into our biggest adventure yet and knowing that I will have you by my side makes me feel secure and comfortable. My life will be empty without you for the next few months but you are always in my heart and that love will keep us going.
May you have a wonderful day full of love and laughter. Love your wife and the boys. xoxoxoxo
Friday, December 18, 2009
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Congrats to all.
YAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.....wait can you tell i'm excited.
Saturday, December 12, 2009
We decorated the tree last week and having combined all my "special ornaments" and my mom's "special ornaments" we really didn't need many more ornaments. Our tree is so beautiful this year filled with special memories from everyone. Only a few tears fell both days, pretty good I think.
It's hard not having my sister and her family around during the holiday season, however we will be with my brother and his family celebrating my nephew's first Christmas so it will be a special Christmas for us all.
I haven't been writing much lately as there are lots of things going on at this end....sorry can't say anything just yet...and no i'm not pregnant...but I am here and keeping up with everyone elses blog. I wish everyone who are waiting for court dates that they get them before Christmas. It would make things so much better for you all.
I don't have much to report on the adoption front. My whole way of thinking has changed since the bankruptcy, and although I think of Kaysen all the time I have made a decision to no longer place our life on hold waiting for him. It has been on hold for years now and it's been too much. We will live our lives as we should with the family we have and once our little blessing arrives our lives will be in a much better place.
Well i'm off to have a scary movie night with my dad. Good night to all.
Thursday, December 3, 2009
I wish I could say the same for my sister's family but they are happy in BC and adjusting well which is all I could ask for. It will be such a tough Christmas without them here this year but they will all be here in spirit and in our hearts. Hopefully this is the last Christmas we are all apart.
I'm feeling so different this week than before, we got great news on the adoption, some of my family members are coming home and it's finally starting to look and feel like Christmas. My spirits are high, and i'm allowing myself to enjoy it. I just hope it last for the next month.
Have a great end of week to everyone.
Monday, November 30, 2009
Thank you all for your support and encouragement and most of all for understanding what we have been going thought.
The waiting continues, but in this case it's a great thing.
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
This past year has been a year of emotional up and downs, I had rough months in the begining of the year but I got passed them knowing it would soon end. and then the bankruptcy happened and really shook things up, I went from the happiest moment to the lowest moment of my life. It's been a rough few months and the adoption is back on....well hopefully anyways. I know it sounds like i'm not excited about it, but my insides won't allow me to get excited. Although I know I must believe that it will all work out, my subconsciousness is not allowing me to accept it. Hopefully we will find out by next week if all is okay and maybe then I'll be excited again but till then I just go on. Day by day.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
PLEASE, PLEASE LET IT ALL WORK OUT FOR US ALL
Anyways enough self pity this morning. I was reading my weekly dose of Women's World and read this quote this morning, I thought I would share.
"Your dreams are right around the corner! Sure, you've had your share of worries lately. But sooner than you think, they'll be far behind you. And yes, you've faced challenges--but you're meeting them. In fact, nothing can stand in your way for long, because you have what it takes not only to survive, but to thrive! Just keep going. Success is so close!"
What a great encouraging message just when I needed it. So now, today is the day I will get everything sent off.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Saturday, November 7, 2009
I hope and pray that all or most of the voters will pay the money and send in the agreement by the end of the month. They will let us know after November 30th if we have enough money to keep going. I so hope they give us the opportunity to come up with the missing money if there isn't enough.
Sorry that this is a negative post when i'm trying so hard to be positive but my protective side is taking over and is trying to get prepared.
I ask all out there that voted "YES" to please send in your agreement as soon as possible to allow us to get to the next step.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
1. To cut or chop with repeated and irregular blows: hacked down the saplings.
2. To break up the surface of (soil).
a. Informal To alter (a computer program): hacked her text editor to read HTML.
b. To gain access to (a computer file or network) illegally or without authorization: hacked the firm's personnel database.
4. Slang To cut or mutilate as if by hacking: hacked millions off the budget.
5. Slang To cope with successfully; manage: couldn't hack a second job.
I would first like to start this post by saying Sorry to all out there that received an email from me in the last few days saying I was in the UK, stranded and needed money. I am not in the UK i'm in my basement in good old Northern Ontario and did not send the email. Last week I received an email from Yahoo saying they needed confirmation that I use the account, after questioning it, I said "What harm could it do? " and after a large brain fart I replied to the message. Well the worst that could happen did happen, they took control of my email account, all my messages, contacts everything gone. I can't retrieve them, they are gone. It also took access to all that is associated with my old yahoo account, such as the yahoo group and facebook. Thank god it didn't take this one. I'm surprised as it was with the same email but I'm happy it didn't. So again, i'm really sorry if I worried anyone or made any wonder, but thank you to all who came calling...I now know who to call if I need money...lol
I have created a new facebook account under the name Natalie Beaudry Fournier and I have yet to regain access to the yahoo group, so until then I will depend on all of you for the latest updates.
Hope you all have a good week.
Saturday, October 31, 2009
To another year, may the next year bring me my son!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Sunday, October 11, 2009
First thing was that my parents left for their long awaiting trip to Arizona.
They have been planning to travel for their retirement for a very long time and after months of renovations, mess, emotions going crazy and all of us being so busy, they were finally able to leave for their first trip. Although they will be greatly missed, I am so happy and excited that they are doing what they said they were going to do and I know they will have a blast. They have already explored Tennessee and should be arriving in Arizona today sometime. I hope to be able to have the same opportunity to travel with Chris someday. I only have one message for them " Have fun, stop worrying about the kids, enjoy your time together. Every minute is precious and should not be taken for granted" We love you lots.
And the next day, my sister and her family moved far, far away to Kamloops BC, 4 days drive, 4 hours difference, far, far away.
Although I know in my heart that its the best thing for them and that they are ok, its so hard to know that I can't get in the car and go see them in 15min. I feel so helpless being so far away, I feel that I can't be there for them when I'm needed and i'm having a hard time adjusting to that. I know they are not my kids and my sister and brother in law are adults but it's hard to let go of the "always there" title when I can't be. We only had 2 weeks to digest the move and next thing you know they were gone. I wish that someday they will be back in our lives on a daily basis but I know that probably won't happen. They will be so missed and its hard to know that Kaysen won't be around to know his aunt/uncle/nieces. I have to keep telling myself this is not about ME and what I feel, it's about them and what best for them. It just doesn't make it easier. However, I do wish them all the luck in the world, I hope they all adjust to there new beginning and that they are all going to be ok. Our lives will not be same without them around but at least they are still around and not gone forever. They are just gone far, far away....
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Thursday, September 24, 2009
All the way back I was being careful not to encounter wildlife and did good, until I reached the hotel and there to greet me in the parking lot was a large moose, again no camera so no pic, but it was great. It actually chased some guy around a tree. Quite entertaining. Anyways, being exhausted I just wanted to get to bed, so I get into this room and check for bugs, I open the curtains, and about 6 large spiders are staring at me, they were on the other side of the glass but still....yuck, after an intense bug check I settled in, above the covers, and feel asleep....zzzzzz for like 10 min. then jumped out of bed...shaking, not knowing where the heck I was and scared to death. Well that describes my every hour for the next 6 hrs evening. So, as soon as it was morning, I got up, dressed and checked out. Being on the road is a blast so far..... lol After driving around for 30min trying to find a place with internet I found a cute coffee shop and have been sitting here for the last few hours....i'm sure they will be kicking me out very soon. They will think I'm homeless or something...lol
Anyways, to get to what this post is actually about, as i'm sitting here trying to wake up I realized that I am now free to think about Kaysen (not that I ever stopped) to speak about him and his coming home someday and even more importantly I can start retail therapy again....yeahhhhhhhhhhhh. I will have to go through all is stuff to see what I have but at least I can look again, even if I don't buy as i'm sure Chris will tell me "he has enough". It will just feel good to be able to look again.
As I was driving yesterday I realized i'm finally happy again, it's been months since I could say that I was actually happy. All I wanted to do was be happy enough to be able to dance freely again (by myself as I look rediculous) but once I get home I will definitely get the dogs together and have a dance..................thank god for the great inside feeling again.
Okay, enough babbling.....you know what, it also feels great to blog again....
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Although we had GREAT news this week, we also got sad news. My sister and her family will be moving in 2 weeks to Kamloops BC, they are currently 15 min away and will now be 4 days away. I try not to think of it to much, which is why this will be a short post. But they will be missed. They were always there and now they won't be. On top of that, my parents are leaving for 2 months to go to Arizona, as they are retired now and want to travel, so I will go from having all my family around to Chris and I. Thank god, my brother and his family will still be close by. I miss my nephew so much and I've only known him for a few months, I can't imagine how much I will miss my family.
I love you all very much, be careful, and don't forget how to use a phone....
THE ADOPTION IS BACK ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! well that wasn't so hard...lol
My son, my dear son will eventually be home. We will have to wait a little longer, and we will have to financially invest a little more but who cares, my son will be home. A month ago, I had no confidence in the plan, not because I didn't want to believe but because my heart wouldn't allow me to believe. But my dear, sweet, amazing, husband never stopped, he has always stayed positive and kept sending me his positive energy and I thank him for that. I never knew our love could grow stronger but it did, he his my soul mate, my other half and without him I would not have gotten through it. Thank you for loving me and supporting me through good times and bad. I cannot imagine my life without you. xoxoxo
I am still scared to say he WILL come home as it was so hard to deal with thinking that he may not, but I will say it, HE WILL COME HOME and I WILL BELIEVE IT.
We have all been through a rough few months, and we all became bonded for life after this experience, but I want to thank you all, my adoptive families, for your amazing support. Even those that are not with IA but always there to try and help. I also appreciate the space everyone gave us to allow us to deal with this in our own way without pushing us to feel things we may not have been ready for.
My family, here at home, has been so supportive throughout all this, and I tend to forget that this was painful for them as well. I apologize for that. Without you to provide that shoulder to cry on, the ear to listen and sometimes that silent hug to let me cry, it would have been way more difficult. I thank you for that. You were able to be strong for Chris and I although you were hurting as well and you always remained positive in front of us. You were always there to go into Kaysens room for me when I couldn't and I never even thought of how hard it must be for you to go into his room, I just knew I couldn't do it. The words "Thank you" are definitely not enough to express the gratitude, so I vow to keep showing you everyday how appreciated you and what you did are.
I love you all very much, and thank you all very much.
oh yeah, one more thing,
KAYSEN WILL COME HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
i know I can't control what has happened to us, and why i can't have bio children but it's just hard to understand. I wouldn't trade the opportunity to have Kaysen, I just want answers. I'm also struggling with knowing that Kaysen will more than likely be the only child for us, unless we get some miracle. I'm troubled that we are in a position of no choices, seeing as we are so emotionally and financially invested there is no other way or option.
I remember seeing other blogs with 23 months waiting for a referral and thought, OH MY GOD how do they do it? Well I guess we will find out. We have been waiting almost 6 yrs to start a family and we will be waiting some more..... I just wish it would end sooner. :(
Thursday, September 3, 2009
I wish luck and happiness to all involved. This has been a rough few months but we made it this far, another small step won't keep us down.
More news to come....
Monday, August 31, 2009
I have also purchased a WII fit and WII active today so here's hoping I can stick to it... no wait I will stick to it and lose the wait I need to lose before my son comes home.
Have a great week everyone,
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Friday, August 21, 2009
This is great news as I felt it was going to be a yes or no update next week, that they were going to tell us yes we can work on a plan or no we can't make it happen, but I was mistaken, the have been working on the actual plan and they actually have something in place to propose to all of us, i'm so excited and feel that this is such a large step. Don't get me wrong i'm still worried, but as I told Chris today, i'll probably be worried until the day we get home with Kaysen, however, I feel confident that this will all work itself out one step at a time. To see all the amazing events that have happened since the bankruptcy please visit, http://unitedfamiliesofimagine.blogspot.com/
Saturday, August 15, 2009
I'm so scared for the next two weeks to come along. I'm hoping more than anything that things go our way and that our adoption continues, but everyday the ball of yuck in my stomach is getting bigger and bigger and I just want to throw up. I'm so scared that it won't be what we want and hope for. What happens then? I know, I know, i'm suppose to stay positive, but it's normal human motherly nature to think "What if", what will I do? How will I cope? Will that be it? Do we start over? Do we go another direction? I don't want to have to answer any of these questions, I just want my son, is that too much to ask?
The closer we get to an answer the farther I want to be. It's like I wish I had another few months to process the "What if?" but yet I want a few weeks to go by incase it is good news. My mind is so confused right now.
As mentioned in my last post, I've been really busy which is great but everyday it's a struggle to get up and work and stay busy, when what I really want to do is just lay in bed and hug my Kaysen bear (which I haven't slept without since).
I know I will get through the next few weeks and I know we will figure it out at that time as to what to do next but I just don't want to deal with it.....
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Monday, August 3, 2009
Thank you all for your support over the last few weeks.
Here's to the light that is still bright at the end of the road....!!!!!!
Friday, July 17, 2009
Please note: after you sign it will take you to donation page, you simply skip the donation or x out, no money is needed.
Our article of awareness in the Sudbury Star,
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
My dearest Kaysen,
I am so sorry that we were not able to meet, that your daddy and I were not able to bring you home and give you the life you deserve. Although I will never have a face to attach to the bond in my heart, please now that we love you so much. We are struggling to keep hope and keep faith but it's hard. Our hearts are broken and we are not sure how to let go. Part of us will never let you go and hopefully some miracle will happen and we will be together some day. I have been dreaming of you for the last year and half, you are what kept me going from day to day, dreaming of someday being a mom. I don't understand why this is happening to us and more importantly to you. We have always believed you were meant to be ours and Iwant you to know that in our hearts you will always be ours. No other child will replace you as you were meant for us. I can only hope that you do get a nice home and family to love you as much as we do and that you will grow to be someone special. My dreams of becoming a mother have been left in Ethiopia with you, and if you are out there, and are meant to come home to us, please be strong and know that we are doing everything we can to get you. You are a very large part of my life and although some may not understand as they feel I have not seen you yet, you are my son, and I will always tell people the story of my son. I am trying to stay strong and I can assure you that part of me will never let you go. I dont want to give up, but I just want the pain to go away, i have pain in my heart since this journey began, longing to have you home and i'm just so tired of the pain. I promise you that I will keep praying and keep faith that we will be together someday but please, please know that we love you so much and will never be whole without you in our lives.
Love your mommy and daddy. xoxoxox
PLEASE NOTE: I will not be posting anything for awhile as this journey was for Kaysen, should the circumstances change and our journey get back on track so will this blog. I thank you all for your support and do hope with all my heart to be posting again soon. My thoughts and prayers are with all the families out there that are affected. May you find your way to your children as I hope to somehow find my way as well.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
but I have met some amazing people. I think this position is great for me and it will only get better.
Have a great week everyone.
Sunday, July 5, 2009
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Saturday, June 27, 2009
On June 25th 2009 a music icon passed away. Although Michael has made some bad choices in his life and has been accused of horrible horrible acts, he must also be remember for the music Icon he was. There has never been another Michael Jackson and there never will be. His infulence on music, generation after generation is something only someone with a true gift can provide. Unfortunately with the gain of fame came a loss of oneself. I feel for his children and hope they will be treated as individuals in the years to come. No doubt that he became strange as the years went on, but the music and gift was and will always be there.
RIP Michael, you will always be remembered.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Matante Nat and Baby Owen resting.
Here I am with Maddux, relaxing on a great summer deck
Here we are just leaving to go shopping. Getting ready to leave for dinner, it was Steph's birthday. We went to the Mandorin it was yummmmmy. Steph, disappointed that she didn't get her birthday cake and song....
Friday, June 12, 2009
Matante Nat holding baby Owen for the first time. His eyes were open the whole day that day.
On May 31st we woke up to snow....YEP I SAID SNOW, big fluffy snow. Here are some pics.