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Thursday, December 31, 2009

Happy New Year 2010

Happy New Year to all. It's kind of weird that we celebrated a new year 3 hours before Chris and my sister's family did, this was definitely a first for us all.

What will 2010 bring us? I tend to wonder that a lot lately, but first I must reflect on 2009.

2009 was a rough year for us. I remember writing my new year's post last year full of hope that I would know what my son looked like by this time and even hope that we would be planning to pick him up soon, however things didn't work out that way.

We started the year on a rough note as the time lines kept getting extended, but we found the strenght to keep going and keep hoping as the months went by. I began a new job in March which kept me nice and busy not even having time to dwell on the long wait, which was a nice relief. My beautiful nephew was born June 2009 and I envisioned myself holding my son shortly. I was enjoying my new position, traveling and feeling good about our life and our journey when all went wrong in July with the news of the bankruptcy. Since that day, life has not been the same. Some things have changed for the better and others for the worst. The worst is obviously the fact that our son won't be home for awhile still, but the good things were that I learned to live for myself again and not just for Kaysen. I had become so involved in the adoption journey that I lost myself and my way of living, every thing I did was for Kaysen, I wouldn't try new things until he would get home, not a decision was made without thinking of how it would effect him. Well not that I don't think of him every day now, but I also think of myself and the life Chris and I have to live until he gets home. Our life is so important and placing it on hold any longer is just not right. We will celebrate Kaysen upon his arrival, but until then this is our year to enjoy ourselves and learn who we are again.

2010 will bring us new adventures in a new home in a new city with all new surroundings.
2010 will bring us happiness and love
2010 will allow us to discover new things
2010 will allow us to rediscover ourselves and what we want to do with our lives

2010 will be the year for us. It may not be the year we become parents, but it will be our year, our year to live life to the fullest, to enjoy our time together, to celebrate the blessings of someday becoming parents and most of all it will be our year to grow.

Cheers to 2010, may it bring us love and joy and may it also bring us one year closer to our son.

Sunday, December 27, 2009

He's gone

My sweet husband left this morning to drive cross country to begin his new adventure/career in Kamloops BC. He will be driving for 4 days and hopefully all is well and he has nice weather all the way. His presence in the home is definitely missed already. It's hard has we don't know when we will see each other again. Please, please let the house sell fast so we can be together soon.

Good luck at your new job, i'm so proud of you and can't wait to join you in our new adventure.

Love you love you love you.

Friday, December 25, 2009

Merry Christmas and 13

Today is Christmas day. We traveled from home to my brothers house in Alliston, ON yesterday and will be spending the day here. Being with family at Christmas brings a natural joy to the room, however this year part of our family is missing. My sister's family is not with us for the first time in my life...33 yrs. It's not the same without them and I know that next year i'll be writing that it's not the same without my brother's family around. It's so hard to have such a close family be so far apart, however they are in our hearts and in our minds and in spirit they are with us. I wish them a wonderful day in there new home, celebrating Christmas and starting new traditions. Traditions I can't wait to join in on next year. We had no idea last year was going to be the last Christmas we would all be together for a long time, just goes to show how fast things change and how cherishing every moment with the ones you love is so very important.

Today also marks 13 months of us dossier being in Ethiopia. It's been a rough week leading up to today. Last year at this time I so full of hope that I would know what my son looked like this year but this year is especially hard as I don't know when our next milestone will be. I keep saying that i'm "Done" done with the pain. I'm tired of hurting for my son, i'm tired of waiting, i'm tired of crying, i'm tired of this whole process, however I seem to get up the next day and keep going and now we are at 13 a place I never thought we would be. Although I am feeling done with everything I know that I'll keep going and i'll keep getting the strenght needed to make it to 14,15, 16, 17....and so on.
When we found out about referrals a few weeks ago the HOPE returned but with the HOPE came the hurt. The hurt that eats at you every day, the hurt that makes you ill, the hurt that makes you want to stay in bed and not move until it leaves. I know this post should be a little more cheerful as it is Christmas but I can't lie to myself or anyone else that the hurt isn't there. It is and it's not fun. Christmas is suppose to be a time of happiness, joy and familly and this year it's different, we are missing some family, and again we don't have our little one to enjoy it with. I keep envisioning the day that it will be our turn but the more we wait the more it becomes a dream and not a possible reality. However, after all that sadness, I realize we are blessed to have all our family members alive and only a phone call away, I also realize we are blessed to have a new little one in my brothers family to celebrate his first Christmas and I realize that being with some family is also a blessing. Therefor, although I hurt on the inside, I will have a wonderful Christmas with my family and my husband, we must make the most of every situation in life and Christmas is one that is truly special.
I wish you all a wonderful Christmas holiday with your friends and family.

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Happy Birthday to the man I love.

Every year my life with you gets better and better. You are truly my soul mate, my lover and my best friend. I thank you for your daily support and encouragement and for always believing in our adventures. This year has been a tough one for us but the strenght of our love allowed us to get through it and be stronger for it, I thank you for that as well.
We are about to embark into our biggest adventure yet and knowing that I will have you by my side makes me feel secure and comfortable. My life will be empty without you for the next few months but you are always in my heart and that love will keep us going.

May you have a wonderful day full of love and laughter. Love your wife and the boys. xoxoxoxo

Friday, December 18, 2009

BC Bound

Yep that's right. Chris and I are on a new adventure come the new year. He was lucky enough to get a great job at one of the new gold mines in Kamloops BC. My great brother in law helped him get this opportunity for which we will always be grateful....sorry Ren, he's the new

This is one of the things that has been going on that I haven't been able to share, how I kept it quiet I have no idea, but now that the employers have been informed I am able to share the news with you all.

He arrives home from Kamloops, on Mon Dec 21st and will leave on the 27th to drive up to his new home, my sister's place, for the next few months. He begins work on Jan 5th. I will be staying behind as I still have to sell our home and plan on giving my work months to help train and so on. As to what I will do for work out there, I have no idea where that roads is leading yet but I hope to have the opportunity to somehow stay with the company i'm with. Will it be possible? I have no idea but I can definitely cross my fingers.

This is a new adventure for us, and an great opportunity to be able to have a better life to provide our son once he gets home. It's hard as I'm leaving my brother and his family here in ON but we have to do what is best for our family and I plan on visiting a few times a year.

I have never been to BC before and look forward to getting familiar with a new part of Canada and starting a new adventure with my husband. My sister and her family live in Kamloops, so it will very nice to be near them.

We are both super excited but my to do list for the house is about a mile long which will be fun as my parents are leaving for Arizona on the 7th of Jan and Chris will be gone. Selling my house with 4 dogs will be a large task but I'm sure I'll get it done.

Anyways, i'm sure no one expected this post and I would love to chat to anyone who wants more info. Feel free to email me at

I look forward to meeting all my Western Canada Adoption families, and to those that live in the area, can you please send me recommendations for an adoption practionner near Kamloops as I will be in need of a Home Study update and provincial approval.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Believe and it WILL happen

We received an update today that all ministry and intercountry licences were issued and that referrals would start again. Which I assumed would start at the begining of the new year. WELL to my surprise REFERRALS STARTED TODAY, two families received the call. This is the most excited i've been in months. I just can't believe it, it's finally feeling right on the inside again. We are all on our way to getting our family.

Congrats to all.

YAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.....wait can you tell i'm excited.

Saturday, December 12, 2009

Christmas Traditions

What would Christmas be without, Christmas traditions. Although it was just my mom and I today we made our yearly Christmas donuts which will be sending off to my sister in BC. It wasn't the same without other family members around, there was only a little bit of singing and laughing but at least we kept the tradition going. Funny thing is, my mom nor I eat the donuts, we just make them for others.
We decorated the tree last week and having combined all my "special ornaments" and my mom's "special ornaments" we really didn't need many more ornaments. Our tree is so beautiful this year filled with special memories from everyone. Only a few tears fell both days, pretty good I think.
It's hard not having my sister and her family around during the holiday season, however we will be with my brother and his family celebrating my nephew's first Christmas so it will be a special Christmas for us all.
I haven't been writing much lately as there are lots of things going on at this end....sorry can't say anything just yet...and no i'm not pregnant...but I am here and keeping up with everyone elses blog. I wish everyone who are waiting for court dates that they get them before Christmas. It would make things so much better for you all.
I don't have much to report on the adoption front. My whole way of thinking has changed since the bankruptcy, and although I think of Kaysen all the time I have made a decision to no longer place our life on hold waiting for him. It has been on hold for years now and it's been too much. We will live our lives as we should with the family we have and once our little blessing arrives our lives will be in a much better place.

Well i'm off to have a scary movie night with my dad. Good night to all.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Mom and Dad arrive tomorrow!!!!!

It's been two whole months since i've seen anyone from my immediate family. I think it's a first for me in 33 yrs and I can't wait to see some family tomorrow. My parents arrived safely from Arizona yesterday and are spending the day with my brother's family and tomorrow they come home. I can't wait, it will be so nice to have more people around. I don't know what I'll do when they are gone for over 4 months after Christmas, I just might have to go see them or my sister, good cause for a trip I think....!
I wish I could say the same for my sister's family but they are happy in BC and adjusting well which is all I could ask for. It will be such a tough Christmas without them here this year but they will all be here in spirit and in our hearts. Hopefully this is the last Christmas we are all apart.

I'm feeling so different this week than before, we got great news on the adoption, some of my family members are coming home and it's finally starting to look and feel like Christmas. My spirits are high, and i'm allowing myself to enjoy it. I just hope it last for the next month.

Have a great end of week to everyone.