I really don't have much reason to write this post as everyone out there knows that our agency filed for bankrupcy and closed it's doors on Monday July 13th 2009, however this blog was created for my son and for him I am writing this post today. I am not sure where this journey will go, however I feel in my heart that my son is still waiting for me out there somewhere in Ethiopia. Why not start over you may ask? Because my son, Kaysen, is in Ethiopia, he is no where else other than my heart and I can only hope and pray that someday, some how he will be in my arms but if that doesn't happen I must face it and move on....somehow. I know I shouldn't give up and part of me is still fighting strong, but the other half needs to write this letter.
My dearest Kaysen,
I am so sorry that we were not able to meet, that your daddy and I were not able to bring you home and give you the life you deserve. Although I will never have a face to attach to the bond in my heart, please now that we love you so much. We are struggling to keep hope and keep faith but it's hard. Our hearts are broken and we are not sure how to let go. Part of us will never let you go and hopefully some miracle will happen and we will be together some day. I have been dreaming of you for the last year and half, you are what kept me going from day to day, dreaming of someday being a mom. I don't understand why this is happening to us and more importantly to you. We have always believed you were meant to be ours and Iwant you to know that in our hearts you will always be ours. No other child will replace you as you were meant for us. I can only hope that you do get a nice home and family to love you as much as we do and that you will grow to be someone special. My dreams of becoming a mother have been left in Ethiopia with you, and if you are out there, and are meant to come home to us, please be strong and know that we are doing everything we can to get you. You are a very large part of my life and although some may not understand as they feel I have not seen you yet, you are my son, and I will always tell people the story of my son. I am trying to stay strong and I can assure you that part of me will never let you go. I dont want to give up, but I just want the pain to go away, i have pain in my heart since this journey began, longing to have you home and i'm just so tired of the pain. I promise you that I will keep praying and keep faith that we will be together someday but please, please know that we love you so much and will never be whole without you in our lives.
Love your mommy and daddy. xoxoxox
PLEASE NOTE: I will not be posting anything for awhile as this journey was for Kaysen, should the circumstances change and our journey get back on track so will this blog. I thank you all for your support and do hope with all my heart to be posting again soon. My thoughts and prayers are with all the families out there that are affected. May you find your way to your children as I hope to somehow find my way as well.
