???

What is wrong with me? That's the familiar question i've been asking myself in the last few weeks. It seems everyday the pain inside is getting worse. I'm days away from finally getting word that we are "officially" waiting again, but i'm scared as ever. I keep saying i'm struggling inside, but I have no way to express what that struggle is. I wake up with pain. It's been gone for so long and now it's come back. Why did it come back?
I should be excited to be "officially" waiting again, so why am I so scared. I feel like history will somehow repeat itself and that in the end the result will be the same. Although a large part of me believes strongly that all this will work out, the small part that doesn't seems to be taking over. All I want is the pain and fear to go away....am I asking for too much?