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Saturday, February 20, 2010

Happy/Sad Finally posted.

I borrowed this post from someone a long time ago and forgot to actually post. It was so well said and everything we all feel.

I have been emotionally fighting between HAPPY and SAD lately.....
Happy to be an Aunt....... Sad not to be a mom
Happy to see my nieces grow from day one....... Sad to miss the early lives of our children (to be)
Happy to be adopting...... Sad not to feel them grow in me
Happy not to be going through a delivery......... Sad not to be breast feeding them
Happy to be going to Africa...... Sad not to be planning the trip yet
Happy for others referrals of Beautiful children...... Sad to not know when it will happen for us
Happy that life has taken me on this journey and met amazing people..... Sad that it is so hard and so longgggggg
Happy to spend time with my family..... Sad that I don't have my own yet (well hubby and dog)
Happy to be alive, healthy and breathing........ Sad to be getting older and more tired
Happy that I have the most AMAZING husband...... Sad not to see him be a DAD yet
Happy to TRUELY want children and not take it for granted.... Sad not to really live it
Happy to have the means to get what is needed for our family...... Sad I can't get things ready yet
One minute I am thankful and happy and the next I am sad and frustrated. I figure maybe a year from now it will HOPEFULLY be a reality.
I don't want to wait to live but it is hard not to dwell on the WHEN. It is an effort to live in the moment right now. But I do not want to look back and think.... man.... I should have lived EVERY minute.... life is too short.


Why do I get excited when there is a showing on my house, just to get disappointed?
Why do I have to live apart from my husband, and hurt every day?
Why do I have to wait to move?
Why did our agency go bankrupt?
Why is my son not home?
Why can't I have children?
Why do I have to wait to be a mother?
Why do things always seem so hard to achieve?
Why is it so hard to always stay positive?

WHY DO I HAVE TO WAIT FOR EVERYTHING, when things come so easy for others?

WHY? WHY? WHY? Can't I get answers to my questions?