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Saturday, August 15, 2009

SCARED

I'm sure i'm not the only one feeling scared right now and I don't necessarily feel like posting about it, but I do want my feelings of the journey in this blog so here it is.

I'm so scared for the next two weeks to come along. I'm hoping more than anything that things go our way and that our adoption continues, but everyday the ball of yuck in my stomach is getting bigger and bigger and I just want to throw up. I'm so scared that it won't be what we want and hope for. What happens then? I know, I know, i'm suppose to stay positive, but it's normal human motherly nature to think "What if", what will I do? How will I cope? Will that be it? Do we start over? Do we go another direction? I don't want to have to answer any of these questions, I just want my son, is that too much to ask?

The closer we get to an answer the farther I want to be. It's like I wish I had another few months to process the "What if?" but yet I want a few weeks to go by incase it is good news. My mind is so confused right now.

As mentioned in my last post, I've been really busy which is great but everyday it's a struggle to get up and work and stay busy, when what I really want to do is just lay in bed and hug my Kaysen bear (which I haven't slept without since).

I know I will get through the next few weeks and I know we will figure it out at that time as to what to do next but I just don't want to deal with it.....

5 comments:

Rhonda, Kristin, Eden said...

I think this is totally valid to be feeling this way. I feel nervous for all of the IA families, you guys included! Sending +++ vibes your way for a good outcome!

Heidi said...

Oh... Thinking of you so much and hoping, hoping, hoping this all works out for you. Man this is heart wrenching...

dacops said...

Hello, we are in the same situation. It has become more difficult for me because there is no information. Just waiting! I feel that I should be doing something but I have no idea what. You are not alone! Let's hope and pray that good news comes soon! Anrea

Priscilla said...

Hi Chris,

I'm an occasional visitor of your blog. First I want to apologize for never commenting on here before. When I saw this post, I knew I had to comment though!

Everything will be ok. Remember that we voted unanimously to keep Imagine going at the Creditor's meeting, so that's exactly what BDO is doing - coming up with a detailed plan for restructuring. We just don't know what those details are yet.

The structure of the agency already existed, we just need the money to get it going again and they're working it out. Hang in there, we should know next week sometime!! It'll be ok.

Cilla
Chair, FIA Internal Communications Committee

The Mannings said...

me too - i feel the same way. it won't be long now to see what happens. hang in there :)