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Friday, June 11, 2010

Change is good.....Adoption news

Hello fellow blog readers. Now that our families are aware I would like to let you all know the news we have. Here is the email we sent to friends and family with the news. Before you read this, we want to thank you all in advance for understanding our decision and for your continued support.

"Hello Everyone,

We first would like to say sorry we didn't call you all to give you this news, but there are too many of you and this email should explain everything. Please do not hesistate to call us ********* or email us if you have any questions.

As you all know, last summer our agency in Ontario went bankrupt and our adoption dream was shattered. It felt to us like we had lost a child. Although we didn't know what he looked like, Kaysen was a large part of our daily lives and hearts. Giving up on him was not an issue. So we stayed with our agency, paid more money, and stayed with the newly restructured agency. In Dec, the agency started referrals again and just this month the first families will be brining some children home. In January we recieved our "number" on the list (82) what this number meant was that there were 82 families ahead of us before we could finally see our little baby. It was exciting but, after going through such pain, always kept a protective wall up. Referrals were going great and our number was going down....then referrals stopped/slowed down and new disappointments came on a monthly/weekly basis.....new government regulations, new paper work needed and the dreaded two visits. All of which would make our wall bigger and bigger but we kept strong and going. These slow downs only extended our wait and we were starting to look at approx. 2 more years if not more. In case you didn't hear, we were now required to go to Ethiopia twice. The first time to pass court where we would fly across the world, see our future son for a minute (no bonding allowed at all) and then fly back and wait up to 6+ months before going back to pick him up....complete torture. Not to mention the extra $$$ needed for the extra travel. But again, we swallowed the news and kept going. Which brings us to today.

Moving to BC, has not only been an amazing experience but a reflection period. We found out that it would end up costing us even more as we need all our home study done again, and all our paper work has expired (2yrs) so in other words we were starting over, except for the wait. Financially we are done...we have no more money to give to a program that is on thin ice and can collapes any day. Giving up on being parents was not an option but switching programs was. Living in BC allows us a few more options than living in ON. Weird as it's the same country but new province, new rules.

OK....here is the reason for the email.....We have made the decision to switch programs. This is our last shot....we are still trying to figure out how we will make this one work but we have to do what we can to be parents.....if this doesn't work we will have to be done....but it WILL work we have to believe.

The program we are switching to is in the US. We will be adopting from Florida. The program isn't available in ON but is here. The financial commit will be no more than if we had stayed with the Ethiopian program but is still outrageous. I know you are asking, what about the money in the other program....unfortunately for us ALL the money we have spent on the other program is gone. The good thing with this new program is that we don't have to give money until we know what the money is for. We won't disclose how much we have spent so far but it was alot and we have no idea to this day where all that money has gone. The new program will provide us with a list of what we are paying for and why...which will be a large difference.

The Ethiopian program was a program that was based on a waiting list, depending on when you sent your dossier to Ethiopia is where you were on the list. The Floriday program is a "family chooses" program. Where we submit our profile and wait for a family to choose us to raise their child. The baby will be a newborn baby (within a week or two old), he/she may be a male or female and the baby will still be African-American or Biracial. Most families have been placed with their child within a year, so our fingers are crossed that we get chosen fast.

This has been a really hard decision as we have to let go of "the idea" of Kaysen. We have decided we will start a fresh start and let go of the name and the program. We do have the option of keeping both programs going but for Financial reasons we are not able to. It may be hard for some of you to understand but we have had to grieve Kaysen and move on. The last few years will always be a part of our lives and we have to believe that things happen for a reason. Maybe the baby for us is just not in Ethiopia but from the US.

We thank you all for your continued support and ask that you pray that this final try for us will be a success.

Again, if you have any questions, do let us know.

Love Nat and Chris "


As mentioned in the letter, Kaysen will always be a part of our lives and this part of our journey to parenthood will never be forgotten, the grieving is still a prominent part of our lives and letting go is a scary thing. I will continue to support you all in your journey to Ethiopia but please understand that I will no longer be checking in on the board for updates as it's easier to just let it go completely.

I sent out the paperwork to the new agency here today and as of yet we have not let go of our Ethiopian Adoption. We want to make sure all goes well at this end and once we are officially waiting in the US program we will let the other one go.

I'll keep you posted as there are new adventures to come our way. I ask you all as well to please pray that we made the right decision and that our journey to becoming a family will finally come true.

Xoxoxo

13 comments:

Craig and Jaclyn said...

I can only imagine how hard of a decision that must have been for you both. You were invested so much more than we were when we decided to leave the program and go 'another route'. But I am glad to hear that you have a new plan and a new calling as to how to build your family. I wish you all the best!!!

boltupright said...

Congrats on making the decision that feels right for you and your family. HOpe you continue blogging along the road to your baby, even if it's a different road from what you envisioned.

Ruth Branson said...

Wow - that's HUGE! I hardly know what to say, other than that I'm happy for you. I'm sure it was a tough decision-making process to go through, and I so hope for you that you are matched quickly. I can hardly wait to hear your news!

Many blessings as you go down this new fork in the road.

Ruth

lyndsey&kevin said...

Good for you guys and CONGRATS!!. I can imagine it was a VERY difficult choice, and I wish you ALL the best on this new journey. Adoptions are NOT easy... even after referral... as we have found.. MAY your new journey be smooth and full of positive adventures. I REALLY hope you get chosen quickly!!!!

hugs Lyndsey

Anonymous said...

Thank you for sharing and I am sure you made the right decision. I have to admit if we were at your stage in the process we would have made the same decision. The program, as you said, is on thin ice. I hope the Florida program provides you with the answer to your dreams. :)

andrea said...

We understand completely how hard this decision must have been and about the feeling of truly grieving where you've been as you head toward where you're going. We have been their ourselves over the past 11 months since last July. I wanted to tell you how much I admire your courage to forge a new road on your journey to your complete family. A

mommy2natalie said...

Natalie,
I know what a difficult decision this has been for you... as we made the same one. We are still in Ontario though, and fighting hard to get our Florida adoption going. I have heard wonderful things about the program, and know of families who switched over after the bankruptcy and are already home with their litle ones. I have faith that your journey will bring you and your child together soon.
Karin

Ranavan said...

It takes so much courage and faith to listen to what is in your heart!!

Congrats as you move forward in a different path to your family.

I hope you keep blogging because the US program really interests me and I would like to follow your journey still.

Hugs,

Rana

turgeonexpansion said...

Best of luck to your family on your new adventure!

Derrick, Alysia, and Levi said...

I said it to you before, but I have to say it again! We are SO EXCITED for you two, and believe that this will be a very positive decision for you. The people at your new agency are just SO INCREDIBLE, and if there were some way to raise the funds, we would adopt again from them in a second. Every day I just stare at Levi in amazement, and thank God for our sweet little miracle. I just KNOW that yours is on his or her way too! I can only imagine how hard it was for you to make this decision, as it was hard enough for us last summer. But God leads the hearts of each of us, and we know he led us to Florida in the end. I believe Levi was the baby who was meant to be ours all along. Congrats!

emily and mike said...

I don't normally comment on your blog, but I just wanted to say congrats on making this big decision and that I wish you ALL the best! I've heard lots of great things from people who have adopted from Florida as well and I am sure this knew path will have a very positive outcome for you.

Keep blogging!

darci said...

ahhhhh! congratulations, i am thrilled for you! we have some aquaintances that adopted twice from florida and both times it was within a year..i am hoping for great news soonl. :) we are planning to adopt thru florida too, nxt time :) we are about #12? #15 now...so....we'll see, we're in so deep. hping and praying this is a great experience fo ryou! all the best. darci

Sharla said...

Just reading this now. I am so sorry that your journey to parenthood has been so difficult and long and heart-breaking. I know that you will grieve the child that you thought would be yours from Ethiopia and that it may take some time to get excited about this new route your journey has taken. Speaking personally, I know that had our first adoption worked out the way we wanted it to, then three of the kids we have now wouldn't be ours. It took four years for our first adoption to be finalized, and that was six years after we had started our adoption road but now, we have completed five adoptions since that time four years ago so don't give up hope. It will happen for you.