we had our first snow fall last night. was suppose to be 2-5 cm but it wasn't much at all....which is quite alright in my books. So what's the first thing I ask myself when I see the snow....is it cold? will it last? will we have a good winter? no none of those...I ask myself "will this be the last "first" snow fall without my son? I know, nuts. That just goes to show how much Kaysen is on my mind. I know it won't be my last, but everything that happens in my life right now is followed by "is this the last time before Kaysen comes home?, no matter what it is. Its so hard to hear people say "next year at this time Kaysen will be doing ....with you?" and I always have to say "no probably not until the year after" I know I should be more optimistic about his arrival, but I would rather give myself an unrealistic idea instead of saying "yep, he'll be home" and then be devistated next year if he's not. I hope you don't think i'm sitting here venting this morning, as i'm not. I'm still on a high from my approval, I just wanted to give you all a glimpse of my crazy mind and how it goes through each and every day.
Isabella's Age
Monday, November 10, 2008
First snow fall
we had our first snow fall last night. was suppose to be 2-5 cm but it wasn't much at all....which is quite alright in my books. So what's the first thing I ask myself when I see the snow....is it cold? will it last? will we have a good winter? no none of those...I ask myself "will this be the last "first" snow fall without my son? I know, nuts. That just goes to show how much Kaysen is on my mind. I know it won't be my last, but everything that happens in my life right now is followed by "is this the last time before Kaysen comes home?, no matter what it is. Its so hard to hear people say "next year at this time Kaysen will be doing ....with you?" and I always have to say "no probably not until the year after" I know I should be more optimistic about his arrival, but I would rather give myself an unrealistic idea instead of saying "yep, he'll be home" and then be devistated next year if he's not. I hope you don't think i'm sitting here venting this morning, as i'm not. I'm still on a high from my approval, I just wanted to give you all a glimpse of my crazy mind and how it goes through each and every day.
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1 comment:
It is a crazy ride, isn't it? Everything I do now is compared to what might be happening this time next year when hopefully I'm home from Africa. Sigh!
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