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Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Things people say.

I copied this post from another adoptive parent (thanks Tammy) and felt it was important to share, as being educated on this subject is the only way people who aren't going thru it can somewhat understand...or at least be careful when they speak.

"When you haven't been through an experience that someone else has gone through or is going through you can't say to them that you really understand. The same thing goes for infertility or the process of adoption. If you haven't experienced it like I have, you truly can't understand what it has been like.

I've been thinking about a few things that have been said to me in the past 6 years where I just have either looked stunned or just had to inwardly shake my head in attempt to avoid exploding.
1. "Once you adopt you'll get pregnant."
*Yep-we've all heard that one before. You know what? Some people just can't get pregnant! It isn't possible and will never happen. Give it up already. I have!
*When you are adopting it doesn't matter if you can or cannot get pregnant at that point. Having an adopted child is the same thing as having a bio child!!! Treat it as such!

2. "You just haven't prayed hard enough."
*Yep, someone actually said that to me. It deserves no comment.

3. "How can someone just give their baby away?"
*Placing a child for adoption has involved months of thought, heartache and tears. A mother doesn't just willy nilly place her child for adoption. She makes the biggest sacrifice for her child so her child can have a better life. She isn't 'giving' it away. I have a tremendous amount of respect for birth moms...I love my birth mom already. I think about her ALL the time and I don't even know her.

This is one added by a fellow blogger and one I've heard MANY times over:
4. "You are lucky, at least you won't have to deal with getting pregnant and being fat."
*Yes, I am lucky! Being an adoptive parent is a true blessing and gift from God! (My response)*But I am getting fat! I'm gaining weight being depressed because I have no control over when I will have a baby. (My response)

Another from a fellow blogger:
5. 'Oh, you're adopting just like Madonna and Angelina Jolie.'*Yep, just like Madonna and Angelina Jolie. Only they don't have to remortgage their house just to finance the adoption. (My response: ok, I'm exaggerating...just a home equity loan...)

There have been other comments made that I just can't remember at the moment. I'm sure you have others. Please let me know and I'll add them to the list. It is important that we help others understand what type of comments help and which do not. Saying something 'thoughtful' versus the first thing that comes into your head."

1 comment:

Barb said...

The pregnant comments are the most common. FYI - only 7-8% will get preggers - not everyone who applies!!