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Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Big day has come and gone

Well friday we received the proposal and all was well, should 51% of creditors vote yes by the end of the month the possibility of a restructure is very very good. We would be so blessed to have such a great thing come out of something so very bad. So the weekend was good and positive, but then, just when you think it will all be ok. Whammmmmm, down again, it looks like referrals for IA will not begin until April 2010, and will be on a schedule of 5 referrals for the first 6mths, 10 referrals a month for the 6 mths after (Oct 2010-Apr2011) and 15 per month for the remaining months. SOOOOOOO now again, i'm down. Don't get me wrong, I did say I would wait years and years as long as it was a sure thing and Kaysen would someday be home, but now that reality hit and it may be late 2010 early 2011 before we get him it's hard to swallow. I'm still thankful for the proposal, i'm just dealing with alot of guilt. Why did this have to happen? Why can't I be okay and not have to put my family through this? Why do I have to be almost 36 to be a mother? Why can't I just shut this off for a few years and turn it back on when needed? and the why's go on and on and on, and none of them have answers.

i know I can't control what has happened to us, and why i can't have bio children but it's just hard to understand. I wouldn't trade the opportunity to have Kaysen, I just want answers. I'm also struggling with knowing that Kaysen will more than likely be the only child for us, unless we get some miracle. I'm troubled that we are in a position of no choices, seeing as we are so emotionally and financially invested there is no other way or option.

I remember seeing other blogs with 23 months waiting for a referral and thought, OH MY GOD how do they do it? Well I guess we will find out. We have been waiting almost 6 yrs to start a family and we will be waiting some more..... I just wish it would end sooner. :(


The Warren Family said...

Hey there,
I was thinking the same thing today about how at some point I will be waiting some 20+ months...crazy! Hang in thoughts are with you guys. Hopefully they tally the votes and we get good news soon, I can't wait for that moment.
Shannon (-:

Craig and Jaclyn said...

Natalie, I"m just so sorry about all this. My heart just breaks when reading this. I am still thinking of you guys and all those in this situation. I wish I could do something to help.

andrea said...

Boy, do I hear you! We are 17 months in to our wait, more than 2 years into the process so we don't have a lot of options at this point other than the restructuring proposal. I agree that it is such a glimmer of hope in an otherwise gross summer imagin where this might end up, but its still so hard to swallow only 5 referrals in the next year. There's only so much work and vacation planning a girl can do to keep herself busy and trying (not very successfully) to not think about how much she just wants to be a mom. Here's to everyone working so hard to help and to hanging in there along with everyone else... A

BCMommy said...

Oh Natalie, I totally know how you are feeling! We had friends who were singing up to adopt at the same time as us. I remember thinking, 'wow, why would my friends choose CAFAC when their wait for referral is well over a year and Imagine's was only 6-8 months (at the time we signed up). They said they had done their research and signed up, but were slightly regretting it as their timelines increased to a year and a half or more. I felt badly and I bit my tongue while thinking to myself that they had made a bad choice...I kept thinking how hard it would be for them if we brought our child home a full year before them...I too thought, who can wait that long? How will they do it? I have thought that for our other blog friends, like Rana and Hazel, who waited excruciatingly long as well. 'Thank goodness I won't have to wait that long, though' was always in the back of my mind. What a dumbass I was...

Hang in there, my dear. At least we have two thing to keep us from drinking ourselves sily and gorging on one-bite brownies...HOPE and SUPPORT from friends who are going through the same thing.
Vent, cry and blog. I'll read and support you, and would love you to do the same for me.
So let's have some of that hope that frickin' BDO updates us about the mound of fax paper they found on their floor Tuesday morning (it's killing me not knowing) and the emails, and we can get this dog and pony show going...
Claire :)

Anonymous said...

So happy to hear and so hoping the big vote goes through (I'm sure it will).

I'm sorry you got stuck in this big mess and when you're in it, it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel, it seems so far away and dim.

But, thank GOODNESS you still have this wonderful road to your son. It hasn't been taken away. It's still there. And what a story it'll be at his wedding :)

Chad, Laura and Sara said...

It is not a bleak as it seems. The numbers are based on conservative estimates and it is likely that things will start moving sooner...believe...


darci said...

i have to agree with laura..i think these are REALLy conservative numbers..and things will move much faster and smoother..hang in there! :)

Anonymous said...

I voted yes on monday. I'll most likely be one of those who will have to wait 3+ years... it's such a long time. I just worry with all the roumours about how not all the adoptions will go through... I just can't deal with the though of waiting all that time and still have no child at the end of the road. I'm trying to convince myself that it's just talk and it's just people worrying too much.
It'll all work out, I hope.


Patricia and the gang said...

Hey Nat, I'm so sorry about all of this. It seems so utterly friggen stupid that money has to get between great parents like you and your future son. Why?? It's just so wrong.
I'm glad to hear that BDO is working on it and that the results will be in soon. Perhaps the numbers are underestimated at the moment to temper the waters a bit and to make sure that the information given to the voters is as conservative as possible. I think that they will increase once things get going again.
You know that saying "it's better to have loved and lost....?". I never really understood it until Stefanie was killed (guys are a dime a dozen) but now that I do, I see things a lot differently. I'm telling you this because now that I know my kids, had I adopted them, I would have waited forever just to have them, even for a moment. The time seems endless right now I know but once he's in your arms, all that time will evaporate into thin air and you will then have to face all the challenges of motherhood.
And by the way, 36...not that old!!!Remember when you were 21 and thought that 29 was a death sentence? I'm pushing 40 and 36 is looking pretty good right now!
Take care and keep us posted. You're in my prayers.