It's a GO.

We received word today that 246 families have sent in their money and we are on to the next step. A large weight has been lifted, our son WILL be home someday and we WILL all get through this.
Thank you all for your support and encouragement and most of all for understanding what we have been going thought.
The waiting continues, but in this case it's a great thing.

One Year ago today

I was the happiest person in the world. I was floating around the house knowing that in less than a year I would finally know what my son looks like, I would finally be able to say i'm a mom and this is my son.....fast forward to today....no picture, not a mother.

This past year has been a year of emotional up and downs, I had rough months in the begining of the year but I got passed them knowing it would soon end. and then the bankruptcy happened and really shook things up, I went from the happiest moment to the lowest moment of my life. It's been a rough few months and the adoption is back on....well hopefully anyways. I know it sounds like i'm not excited about it, but my insides won't allow me to get excited. Although I know I must believe that it will all work out, my subconsciousness is not allowing me to accept it. Hopefully we will find out by next week if all is okay and maybe then I'll be excited again but till then I just go on. Day by day.

The bankruptcy not only stole my child, my money and my mental state but it also made me lose the excitement I had for the adoption journey. I honestly just want the end to be here. I don't want it to be the end as in no Kaysen, just the end as in we are all home and safe and we can place all this "fun" stuff behind us.

So sorry for the buzz kill of a post today but although it's been a year and we should be celebrating, I am not feeling like celebrating.

OFF IT GOES

I got to go to the bank this afternoon and get my retainer and money out to the new "Imagine Adoption" I made sure to send it express post with a signature requiried to assure it gets to the right place. I remember the last time I sent money to imagine, it was for the dossier to leave for Ethiopia. I remember leaving the bank and post office with a large smile on my face excited for the year to come. Boy, was it different today, no excitement just fear and nervousness.

PLEASE, PLEASE LET IT ALL WORK OUT FOR US ALL

Another Great Women's World Quote

Yesterday was a strange day for me, I left for work in the am. Upon my return I got everything ready to send off the retainer, all that was missing was the cheque...kind of the important part. So off I go to the bank and it's CLOSED (rememberance day) well at that moment my mood completly changed from good to horrible, and ready to cry. Such a large influx of emotions, I understand why we have to do what we have to do but I can't wrap my head around "WHY" this inner pain of wanting to be a mother is sooooo hard to heal. Why the extra steps to get to what we want when so many others don't even have to think about it and bam...they are parents.
Anyways enough self pity this morning. I was reading my weekly dose of Women's World and read this quote this morning, I thought I would share.

"Your dreams are right around the corner! Sure, you've had your share of worries lately. But sooner than you think, they'll be far behind you. And yes, you've faced challenges--but you're meeting them. In fact, nothing can stand in your way for long, because you have what it takes not only to survive, but to thrive! Just keep going. Success is so close!"

What a great encouraging message just when I needed it. So now, today is the day I will get everything sent off.

Remberance Day

Thank you to all the soldiers that have and are currently risking their lives and their normal everyday life to make ours and others better.

Retainer Agreement fears

I received the email from the "New Imagine Adoption" yesterday that included the new retainer fee to work with the new agency and with it came many fears. It's like all the hope i've had for the last few months is dangling on a string. I am trying hard to stay positive but I can't help but wonder what if? What would I do? Starting over is something I can't even imagine right now.
I hope and pray that all or most of the voters will pay the money and send in the agreement by the end of the month. They will let us know after November 30th if we have enough money to keep going. I so hope they give us the opportunity to come up with the missing money if there isn't enough.
Sorry that this is a negative post when i'm trying so hard to be positive but my protective side is taking over and is trying to get prepared.

I ask all out there that voted "YES" to please send in your agreement as soon as possible to allow us to get to the next step.

Hacked

hacked, hack·ing, hacks
v.tr.
1. To cut or chop with repeated and irregular blows: hacked down the saplings.
2. To break up the surface of (soil).
3.
a. Informal To alter (a computer program): hacked her text editor to read HTML.
b. To gain access to (a computer file or network) illegally or without authorization: hacked the firm's personnel database.
4. Slang To cut or mutilate as if by hacking: hacked millions off the budget.
5. Slang To cope with successfully; manage: couldn't hack a second job.


I would first like to start this post by saying Sorry to all out there that received an email from me in the last few days saying I was in the UK, stranded and needed money. I am not in the UK i'm in my basement in good old Northern Ontario and did not send the email. Last week I received an email from Yahoo saying they needed confirmation that I use the account, after questioning it, I said "What harm could it do? " and after a large brain fart I replied to the message. Well the worst that could happen did happen, they took control of my email account, all my messages, contacts everything gone. I can't retrieve them, they are gone. It also took access to all that is associated with my old yahoo account, such as the yahoo group and facebook. Thank god it didn't take this one. I'm surprised as it was with the same email but I'm happy it didn't. So again, i'm really sorry if I worried anyone or made any wonder, but thank you to all who came calling...I now know who to call if I need money...lol

I have created a new facebook account under the name Natalie Beaudry Fournier and I have yet to regain access to the yahoo group, so until then I will depend on all of you for the latest updates.

Hope you all have a good week.