BC Bound

Yep that's right. Chris and I are on a new adventure come the new year. He was lucky enough to get a great job at one of the new gold mines in Kamloops BC. My great brother in law helped him get this opportunity for which we will always be grateful....sorry Ren, he's the new favorite...lol

This is one of the things that has been going on that I haven't been able to share, how I kept it quiet I have no idea, but now that the employers have been informed I am able to share the news with you all.

He arrives home from Kamloops, on Mon Dec 21st and will leave on the 27th to drive up to his new home, my sister's place, for the next few months. He begins work on Jan 5th. I will be staying behind as I still have to sell our home and plan on giving my work months to help train and so on. As to what I will do for work out there, I have no idea where that roads is leading yet but I hope to have the opportunity to somehow stay with the company i'm with. Will it be possible? I have no idea but I can definitely cross my fingers.

This is a new adventure for us, and an great opportunity to be able to have a better life to provide our son once he gets home. It's hard as I'm leaving my brother and his family here in ON but we have to do what is best for our family and I plan on visiting a few times a year.

I have never been to BC before and look forward to getting familiar with a new part of Canada and starting a new adventure with my husband. My sister and her family live in Kamloops, so it will very nice to be near them.

We are both super excited but my to do list for the house is about a mile long which will be fun as my parents are leaving for Arizona on the 7th of Jan and Chris will be gone. Selling my house with 4 dogs will be a large task but I'm sure I'll get it done.

Anyways, i'm sure no one expected this post and I would love to chat to anyone who wants more info. Feel free to email me at jmzfournier@yahoo.ca

I look forward to meeting all my Western Canada Adoption families, and to those that live in the area, can you please send me recommendations for an adoption practionner near Kamloops as I will be in need of a Home Study update and provincial approval.

Believe and it WILL happen

We received an update today that all ministry and intercountry licences were issued and that referrals would start again. Which I assumed would start at the begining of the new year. WELL to my surprise REFERRALS STARTED TODAY, two families received the call. This is the most excited i've been in months. I just can't believe it, it's finally feeling right on the inside again. We are all on our way to getting our family.

Congrats to all.

YAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.....wait can you tell i'm excited.
YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHh

Christmas Traditions

What would Christmas be without, Christmas traditions. Although it was just my mom and I today we made our yearly Christmas donuts which will be sending off to my sister in BC. It wasn't the same without other family members around, there was only a little bit of singing and laughing but at least we kept the tradition going. Funny thing is, my mom nor I eat the donuts, we just make them for others.
We decorated the tree last week and having combined all my "special ornaments" and my mom's "special ornaments" we really didn't need many more ornaments. Our tree is so beautiful this year filled with special memories from everyone. Only a few tears fell both days, pretty good I think.
It's hard not having my sister and her family around during the holiday season, however we will be with my brother and his family celebrating my nephew's first Christmas so it will be a special Christmas for us all.
I haven't been writing much lately as there are lots of things going on at this end....sorry can't say anything just yet...and no i'm not pregnant...but I am here and keeping up with everyone elses blog. I wish everyone who are waiting for court dates that they get them before Christmas. It would make things so much better for you all.
I don't have much to report on the adoption front. My whole way of thinking has changed since the bankruptcy, and although I think of Kaysen all the time I have made a decision to no longer place our life on hold waiting for him. It has been on hold for years now and it's been too much. We will live our lives as we should with the family we have and once our little blessing arrives our lives will be in a much better place.

Well i'm off to have a scary movie night with my dad. Good night to all.

Mom and Dad arrive tomorrow!!!!!

It's been two whole months since i've seen anyone from my immediate family. I think it's a first for me in 33 yrs and I can't wait to see some family tomorrow. My parents arrived safely from Arizona yesterday and are spending the day with my brother's family and tomorrow they come home. I can't wait, it will be so nice to have more people around. I don't know what I'll do when they are gone for over 4 months after Christmas, I just might have to go see them or my sister, good cause for a trip I think....!
I wish I could say the same for my sister's family but they are happy in BC and adjusting well which is all I could ask for. It will be such a tough Christmas without them here this year but they will all be here in spirit and in our hearts. Hopefully this is the last Christmas we are all apart.

I'm feeling so different this week than before, we got great news on the adoption, some of my family members are coming home and it's finally starting to look and feel like Christmas. My spirits are high, and i'm allowing myself to enjoy it. I just hope it last for the next month.

Have a great end of week to everyone.

It's a GO.

We received word today that 246 families have sent in their money and we are on to the next step. A large weight has been lifted, our son WILL be home someday and we WILL all get through this.
Thank you all for your support and encouragement and most of all for understanding what we have been going thought.
The waiting continues, but in this case it's a great thing.

One Year ago today

I was the happiest person in the world. I was floating around the house knowing that in less than a year I would finally know what my son looks like, I would finally be able to say i'm a mom and this is my son.....fast forward to today....no picture, not a mother.

This past year has been a year of emotional up and downs, I had rough months in the begining of the year but I got passed them knowing it would soon end. and then the bankruptcy happened and really shook things up, I went from the happiest moment to the lowest moment of my life. It's been a rough few months and the adoption is back on....well hopefully anyways. I know it sounds like i'm not excited about it, but my insides won't allow me to get excited. Although I know I must believe that it will all work out, my subconsciousness is not allowing me to accept it. Hopefully we will find out by next week if all is okay and maybe then I'll be excited again but till then I just go on. Day by day.

The bankruptcy not only stole my child, my money and my mental state but it also made me lose the excitement I had for the adoption journey. I honestly just want the end to be here. I don't want it to be the end as in no Kaysen, just the end as in we are all home and safe and we can place all this "fun" stuff behind us.

So sorry for the buzz kill of a post today but although it's been a year and we should be celebrating, I am not feeling like celebrating.

OFF IT GOES

I got to go to the bank this afternoon and get my retainer and money out to the new "Imagine Adoption" I made sure to send it express post with a signature requiried to assure it gets to the right place. I remember the last time I sent money to imagine, it was for the dossier to leave for Ethiopia. I remember leaving the bank and post office with a large smile on my face excited for the year to come. Boy, was it different today, no excitement just fear and nervousness.

PLEASE, PLEASE LET IT ALL WORK OUT FOR US ALL

Another Great Women's World Quote

Yesterday was a strange day for me, I left for work in the am. Upon my return I got everything ready to send off the retainer, all that was missing was the cheque...kind of the important part. So off I go to the bank and it's CLOSED (rememberance day) well at that moment my mood completly changed from good to horrible, and ready to cry. Such a large influx of emotions, I understand why we have to do what we have to do but I can't wrap my head around "WHY" this inner pain of wanting to be a mother is sooooo hard to heal. Why the extra steps to get to what we want when so many others don't even have to think about it and bam...they are parents.
Anyways enough self pity this morning. I was reading my weekly dose of Women's World and read this quote this morning, I thought I would share.

"Your dreams are right around the corner! Sure, you've had your share of worries lately. But sooner than you think, they'll be far behind you. And yes, you've faced challenges--but you're meeting them. In fact, nothing can stand in your way for long, because you have what it takes not only to survive, but to thrive! Just keep going. Success is so close!"

What a great encouraging message just when I needed it. So now, today is the day I will get everything sent off.

Remberance Day

Thank you to all the soldiers that have and are currently risking their lives and their normal everyday life to make ours and others better.

Retainer Agreement fears

I received the email from the "New Imagine Adoption" yesterday that included the new retainer fee to work with the new agency and with it came many fears. It's like all the hope i've had for the last few months is dangling on a string. I am trying hard to stay positive but I can't help but wonder what if? What would I do? Starting over is something I can't even imagine right now.
I hope and pray that all or most of the voters will pay the money and send in the agreement by the end of the month. They will let us know after November 30th if we have enough money to keep going. I so hope they give us the opportunity to come up with the missing money if there isn't enough.
Sorry that this is a negative post when i'm trying so hard to be positive but my protective side is taking over and is trying to get prepared.

I ask all out there that voted "YES" to please send in your agreement as soon as possible to allow us to get to the next step.

Hacked

hacked, hack·ing, hacks
v.tr.
1. To cut or chop with repeated and irregular blows: hacked down the saplings.
2. To break up the surface of (soil).
3.
a. Informal To alter (a computer program): hacked her text editor to read HTML.
b. To gain access to (a computer file or network) illegally or without authorization: hacked the firm's personnel database.
4. Slang To cut or mutilate as if by hacking: hacked millions off the budget.
5. Slang To cope with successfully; manage: couldn't hack a second job.


I would first like to start this post by saying Sorry to all out there that received an email from me in the last few days saying I was in the UK, stranded and needed money. I am not in the UK i'm in my basement in good old Northern Ontario and did not send the email. Last week I received an email from Yahoo saying they needed confirmation that I use the account, after questioning it, I said "What harm could it do? " and after a large brain fart I replied to the message. Well the worst that could happen did happen, they took control of my email account, all my messages, contacts everything gone. I can't retrieve them, they are gone. It also took access to all that is associated with my old yahoo account, such as the yahoo group and facebook. Thank god it didn't take this one. I'm surprised as it was with the same email but I'm happy it didn't. So again, i'm really sorry if I worried anyone or made any wonder, but thank you to all who came calling...I now know who to call if I need money...lol

I have created a new facebook account under the name Natalie Beaudry Fournier and I have yet to regain access to the yahoo group, so until then I will depend on all of you for the latest updates.

Hope you all have a good week.

Birthday cake

The more goo the better....yummy!

Every year I get an ice cream cake on my birthday and this year was no different. Chris sang happy birthday for me and here is the cake and all the cards I came home to yesterday. There is also the biggy bank I got from my secret pal with an Ethiopian ribbon. Thank you all so much. xoxoxo

11 months

WOW.....I missed it. Goes to show you how crazy my life has been lately. Definitely doesn't mean I don't think of Kaysen everyday, I guess i'm just not sitting at home counting the days. Next month is the big one...oh have things changed since this time last year

Another year down, how many to go

Today I turn 33. Although I felt like I would be alone, well Chris and I only (sorry I think we are one sometimes) I came home yesterday to a whole lot of love in the mail. Thank you all for making me feel so special and loved. I do wish my family was around but your thoughtfulness was perfect.

To another year, may the next year bring me my son!!!!!!!!!!!!

Leaving on a Jet Plane.....

Off to Toronto I go. Chris and I have been in Thunder Bay since Sunday and today I fly out to Toronto to catch a flight to Nashville and he is driving back home. I will be in Nashville for a week for some training for work. I do hope to get to see some of Nashville as we usually don't really go anywhere during our training. I get back home on Oct 30th and then my bday on the 31st and then back at it on the Nov 2nd, busy, busy, busy.

We did get an update this week from the new agency and it looks like things are moving along right where they should be. Some staff has been hired, the licence application has been sent, and the paperwork has been started. They have also started making plans to travel to Ethiopia and get working on the orphanage relationships that have to be rebuilt. The great news is that the orphanages that weren't getting paid due to the bankruptcy have now been paid and the children are taken care of.

I know I haven't been posting much lately, and it's because I don't have much to say. Life is busy, there is a long wait ahead and it's sometimes easier not to write about it. I have also been staying clear of blogs. Not because I don't care because I do, very much, but again sometimes it's just easier. I hope you all understand.

Congratulations

A dear friend of mine received her referral yesterday and although she has not yet announced it to the world I wanted to express my CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!!! You know who you are. Can't wait to meet the new addition and hear more.

Gone far far away

This post is one week over due. Last week was a mixed emotions week for me. The life I have known for 33 yrs was changed forever.

First thing was that my parents left for their long awaiting trip to Arizona.


They have been planning to travel for their retirement for a very long time and after months of renovations, mess, emotions going crazy and all of us being so busy, they were finally able to leave for their first trip. Although they will be greatly missed, I am so happy and excited that they are doing what they said they were going to do and I know they will have a blast. They have already explored Tennessee and should be arriving in Arizona today sometime. I hope to be able to have the same opportunity to travel with Chris someday. I only have one message for them " Have fun, stop worrying about the kids, enjoy your time together. Every minute is precious and should not be taken for granted" We love you lots.

And the next day, my sister and her family moved far, far away to Kamloops BC, 4 days drive, 4 hours difference, far, far away.

Although I know in my heart that its the best thing for them and that they are ok, its so hard to know that I can't get in the car and go see them in 15min. I feel so helpless being so far away, I feel that I can't be there for them when I'm needed and i'm having a hard time adjusting to that. I know they are not my kids and my sister and brother in law are adults but it's hard to let go of the "always there" title when I can't be. We only had 2 weeks to digest the move and next thing you know they were gone. I wish that someday they will be back in our lives on a daily basis but I know that probably won't happen. They will be so missed and its hard to know that Kaysen won't be around to know his aunt/uncle/nieces. I have to keep telling myself this is not about ME and what I feel, it's about them and what best for them. It just doesn't make it easier. However, I do wish them all the luck in the world, I hope they all adjust to there new beginning and that they are all going to be ok. Our lives will not be same without them around but at least they are still around and not gone forever. They are just gone far, far away....

The new agency...

HAS PASSED COURT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It is now official, the new agency will be up and running tomorrow.

We still have some milestones to get through before we are good to go, but one at a time is all we can ask for.

10 Months

What a fitting picture to celebrate the 10th month of waiting for our son to come home and the opening of new doors to our journey.

10 months down, 10 months less to go.

Pics of Owen

Here are a few pics of my nephew Owen he is now just under 4 months old... Yep he's a big boy, but sooooo cute.

My brother Denis with his big boy. Now you see where the eyes come from.

proud mommy (laura) with her BIG boy (he was just 3 mths here)


look at those eyes.... i miss him so much. xoxoox