15 months

Month 15 is here, a place I never thought I would be. The last month has been a tough month, but not on the adoption front. Since the amazing referrals in the last few months, my adoption attitude is doing pretty good. I figure we are lucky to still be on this journey an we are even luckier that things are moving along quickly. It's been a tough month because my husband was not with me for another month. All month I have been counting down the days to his arrival and it was a hard count down. As mentioned in previous post I ache for him when he is not here.

Yesterday I got to pick him up at the airport, it was amazing. The anticipation waiting for him to walk through the doors was crazy, i couldn't hold back my tears. As I was waiting for him I thought to myself, "if you can't handle this how the heck will you handle flying across country and waiting to see and hold your son? ", something I wonder all the time.

Anyways, Chris is home now, although for a short time and I'm loving every minute of it. I wake up smiling and smile all day long. He is the best and having him here makes me a better person.

On to 16.... please let there be more referrals this month.

Happy/Sad Finally posted.

I borrowed this post from someone a long time ago and forgot to actually post. It was so well said and everything we all feel.
Enjoy.

I have been emotionally fighting between HAPPY and SAD lately.....
Happy to be an Aunt....... Sad not to be a mom
Happy to see my nieces grow from day one....... Sad to miss the early lives of our children (to be)
Happy to be adopting...... Sad not to feel them grow in me
Happy not to be going through a delivery......... Sad not to be breast feeding them
Happy to be going to Africa...... Sad not to be planning the trip yet
Happy for others referrals of Beautiful children...... Sad to not know when it will happen for us
Happy that life has taken me on this journey and met amazing people..... Sad that it is so hard and so longgggggg
Happy to spend time with my family..... Sad that I don't have my own yet (well hubby and dog)
Happy to be alive, healthy and breathing........ Sad to be getting older and more tired
Happy that I have the most AMAZING husband...... Sad not to see him be a DAD yet
Happy to TRUELY want children and not take it for granted.... Sad not to really live it
Happy to have the means to get what is needed for our family...... Sad I can't get things ready yet
One minute I am thankful and happy and the next I am sad and frustrated. I figure maybe a year from now it will HOPEFULLY be a reality.
I don't want to wait to live but it is hard not to dwell on the WHEN. It is an effort to live in the moment right now. But I do not want to look back and think.... man.... I should have lived EVERY minute.... life is too short.

WHY?

Why do I get excited when there is a showing on my house, just to get disappointed?
Why do I have to live apart from my husband, and hurt every day?
Why do I have to wait to move?
Why did our agency go bankrupt?
Why is my son not home?
Why can't I have children?
Why do I have to wait to be a mother?
Why do things always seem so hard to achieve?
Why is it so hard to always stay positive?

WHY DO I HAVE TO WAIT FOR EVERYTHING, when things come so easy for others?

WHY? WHY? WHY? Can't I get answers to my questions?

Valentine's Day Surprise

This morning I woke up as usual, let the dogs out, made some coffee and checked emails, blogs, news etc... I took the dogs for a nice Valentine's day walk and settled in to have a quick english muffin for lunch...I know exciting so far right?

As i'm enjoying my lunch my wonderful guard dogs start freaking out, I look outside and to my surprise I see "Magic Flowers" delivery van in my driveway, see below for the reenactment of my surprise. "OMG, I'm getting flowers!!!!!!!! Yayyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!'

This is the reenactment of the surprises "WOW"

These are my beautiful flowers, all the way from BC. My sweet husband never lets me down. He is so thoughtful and always knows how to make a women feel loved.

Full of my favorite flowers, gerber daisies and roses. And best of all full of "Love"


Thank you my love for making my day special, we may not be together physically but we are definitely together in spirit and in our hearts. I love you and can't wait to see you. xoxox

The song "We are the Children" that was originally done for the Children of Africa was redone this year for the people of Haiti. This is a very touching video. The media coverage seems to have faded but the people of Haiti are still trying to put the pieces back together. Please don't forget them and give what you can. (don't forget to go to the bottom of this blog and turn off the music player)

We Are The World 25 For Haiti @ Yahoo! Video

Winter Olympics have arrived

Vancouver is hosting the Winter Olympics this year and they started today. I just finished watching part of the opening ceremony with Chris via Skype. It's nice to have this service as it allows us to feel like we are truly watching it together.

The games will last 17 days and we are all hoping for a Gold medal win from Canada will on their home land.

GO CANADA GO. !!!!!!!!!

Need

I just arrived back home from my business trip to Orlando today. It was great seeing my boys again, they were so happy to see me and I them, they have yet to give me space. However, coming home to "no" Chris was and is really hard. Knowing I won't be seeing him for another 3 weeks and then that I have to let him go again as this (insert swear here) house isn't going anywhere fast.

People always so "Distance makes the heart grown founder" but no one told me "Distance makes the heart hurt", I need him so much, the need hurts from the inside out. Not knowing when we will be able to get things back to normal is something I just can't get passed. I'm sure if I knew when we would be moving it would help but not knowing is horrible. You would think I would be used to dealing with the "not knowing" with the adoption and all but I'm not and it sucks.

I have always known Chris was my soul mate, my other half of the mold, but I have never been away from him long enough to hurt from his not being around. I miss his arms around, his kisses, his smiles, his jokes, and mostly his presence.

Today is especially hard as I haven't sleeped properly in a week, I was falling asleep all the way home, which was really scary, and i'm intensly emotional. The one good thing is that I'm not dwelling on the adoption. I figure things are going great and they will happen when they happen.

The dogs and I are lonely, we miss him greatly and can't wait to get our lives back to normal.

"You are my lover, my best friend, and part of my soul, I love you more and more each day and can't wait until you hold me again"