Best Surprise ever.

So I get a ticket in my mail box the other day to go pick up a package at the post office. I just ordered pics online and thought it was the pictures so I didn't rush over. Well to my surprise, I get there today and get this super wonderful thoughtful beautiful precious amazing gift from a super wonderful amazing adoptive mother. This is an adoptive mother I have yet to speak to, we have only communicated online, however I have felt a huge connection to her since the very first email. (I will be speaking to her on the phone this evening...just in case you were wondering). She seems like such an amazing person, that has alot in common with me. Unfortunately she lives a few provinces away and I can't meet with her....for now anyways. I can't write who it is or show you what I received yet as there was a note to wait until after next months secret pal gift exchange... but I had to post that I'm completely surprised, feel so much love inside to know someone I haven't met yet thinks so much of me to do this for me and just wanted to say THANK YOU SO MUCH. I can't wait to talk to you.

One good part of this adoption is the wonderful friends I have made and feel blessed to have met in the adoption community, although in cyberspace, for the most part. These are friendships that will grow as each of us brings home our little ones and I cherish each and every one of you.

I thank you again for being so thoughtful and caring. This gift means alot more to me than you can ever imagine....(Thanks insert name here)


PS.... I promise to share with you all this wonderful surprise once i'm allowed.

PHOTO TAG

I was tagged by Rhonda and Claire (BCmommy) so here it is.

Photo Tag Here's what you do:Go to your fourth folder of photos and post the fourth photo you find there.No editing allowed.

2 of my favorite people doing what they do best.

If you are reading this and haven't been tagged, it's your turn... I have just tagged you.

A great day

Yesterday was Valentine's day and what a great day we had. I started my day off with some shopping, and then came home to make a wonderful 4 course meal for my special valentine. We both got dressed up, and had a wonderful romantic candle light dinner that began with a garlic shrimp appetizer topped with melted mozzarella, then a heart shaped (stuffed with cheese and spinach) pasta in a rose mushroom sauce, then we enjoyed a perfectly cooked fillet Mignon wrapped in bacon, prosciutto wrapped asparagus and light rice. To finish this wonderful meal I made a wonderful triple chocolate dessert shaped like a heart, it was soooo good. I had been looking for weeks to get the right dessert recipe and after mixing one with another I found perfection. We finished off our dinner with a wonderful dance to one of "our songs". This Valentine was definitely one of the best so far. Alot of work but definitely worth every minute. For the amount of emotions Chris deals with on a weekly basis he deserves to be treated like royalty once in awhile, I thank god for him everyday and know that without him I would never be strong enough to keep going. I think we should honor those we love more often then once a year but I think it's great that there is a day dedicated to it just in case time passes us by and we forget. I received another special gift yesterday of a young boy holding a "HOPE" balloon, it's just beautiful. I'll post a picture once I find my camera.

I hope you all had a special day with the ones you love.

Thank you all

Thank you all so much. Its so nice to know that I have the support of not only my family but my cyber family as well. I just had a nap to catch up on sleep and feel much better. Full force ahead to our future. thanks again everyone, it means so much.

PS. thank you Stephanie for the phone call, even though I didn't feel like talking you made me feel better. Have fun this weekend and good luck on Tuesday. I'll be thinking of you.

Life is hard

I wish I was a child again and wouldn't have to worry about all the adult decisions I have to deal with on a day to day basis. I knew the recession was getting worse but this week it hit home with the mines letting go of 700 ppl (my father being one of them)a, which in turn will affect thousands in the community. Real Estate has hit bottom, there are many homes for sale but no one wants to buy as they don't know what the future holds. I feel like I also lost my job as there isn't much hope for a successful Real Estate year. I'm still looking for a job but not sure who is hiring, I have bills to pay, food to buy, house to heat all while worrying about being able to bring my son home when the time comes. I keep telling myself that it's a year away, but if the year keeps going the way it has so far there will be even less money at that time. I just don't know what to do to make all this better. I tend to be the type of person that wants to make sure everyone around me is safe and taken care of, but I just don't know how to do that and it's killing me inside, I haven't slept properly in weeks and have never in all my life been stressed like this. and if you know me, i'm a pretty easy going person that doesn't stress easily. If only I could be a child again and not have to deal with life being so hard....

First Ethiopian Dinner

Tonight I went over to a friends house for my first Ethiopian dinner and it was great. It reminded me alot of Indian cuisin with the spices and all but it's something I look forward to eating again. I unfortunately had to leave early due to work but will enjoy my dessert tomorrow as I took it to go. I meant to take pictures but forgot my camera.

Thanks Michelle and Bruce for a great dinner and thanks Sara and Alex for the added company. It was a great night and we will do it again soon,

10 months

10 months since we began our journey. Looking back I feel like it went by fast but on a day to day basis the sign above explains the feeling. Thanks everyone for your constent support it's truly appreciated.

Why do we forget and move on?

Why do we always forget what is going on in the world. We wake up every morning and complain about something going on in our lives. We then watch something like the video below and it makes us grateful and then a day or so later we go on with our days and put it aside as if it's not really happening. I'm not saying i'm not guilty of doing it myself, I just wish we wouldn't.

Warning***this is a hard video to watch, however I think it's necessary to make awareness happen***

New way of looking at things

I've decided to try and look at this a new way and see if it helps out. I have decided to look at it as "there is ONLY one year left" before our son arrives. We ONLY have 12 months or so to get everything done around here that is needed. We ONLY have 12 months or so of hardly any responsibilities, we ONLY have 12 months or so to do what we want when we want to do it. We ONLY have 12 months or so to enjoy our time alone together before our whole life changes and our priorities change (for the best of course) so I will try this way of thinking and see where it leads me...I'll keep you all posted.

Thanks again for the support.

The Roller Coaster Ride

I read this on a fellower adoption blogger (rana) site last week and wanted to share with you all, as it describes this process perfectly. Enjoy.

The Roller Coaster Ride
You prepare yourself for the ride - you do lots of research finding the right one - you save your money, you stand in line and when you get to the front you are relieved to find you meet the height requirement.

You know this is going to be a crazy ride but you have pumped yourself up for it. How bad could it be really? Everyone else getting off the ride as you get on is smiling and looks happy. Oh sure there are a few people who look a little green in the face but you are strong, you can make it thru with grace and style.

As you get on the ride you are giddy with anticipation. Your palms are sweaty, and your stomach turns nervously! You belt yourself in tightly - you don't want to fall off - no, that wouldn't be cool.You say a little prayer that the tracks won't fall off or the ride attendant won't fall asleep. You lean back and tell yourself "enjoy the ride".

As you go up the first incline - you are happy, happy you were brave enough to get on the ride. You look at the people who are standing watching the ride - they are too scared to even think about it - they admire you for your bravery...or your lunacy - whatever!You are seated somewhere in the middle of the ride - you see there a quite a few people ahead of you at the front of the ride - oh how you wish you were there. You turn and look behind you and see the people behind you, their grins telling you it will be o.k - we are in this together!

As you nose dive down the first hill, you think, "heck, ya! I can do this!"

Then the twists and turns start to come - you brace yourself for the next turn, your hair whips around your face and you hold on as tight as you can making your knuckles go white.

You can't believe how long the ride is - when you were in line no one told you it would be so long. You start to panic and wonder if the ride attendant did, indeed, fall asleep - did he forget he had passengers? - will he wake up and bring us home?

As you hurtle thru the ups and downs and twists and turns, you hear others yelling too, you know you are not alone - you take comfort that you are not the only one yelling at the top of their lungs.You start to feel nauseous - you might not be able to hold on very much longer - you grasp on to your husband because he is stronger and won't let you fly off the ride!!

You scream out "WHAT DID I GET MYSELF INTO?" and "I WOULD LIKE OFF NOW!". The attendant just smiles and says "Soon, you will be able to get off soon. You are almost to the end, but you need to hold on just a little longer."

Not much going on...

It feels like I haven't blogged in forever, well one week to me seems like forever, but I feel like I don't have much to write about. I don't want to bore you all with the way I've been feeling lately as it's always the same thing and I have sooooo many months to go. I don't want to mention again that this is by far the hardest thing that I have done in my life and will be doing for a long time, I don't want to mention that I can't get the adoption and Kaysen off my mind for 1 sec, I don't want to mention that I want to scream and scream and scream out of frustration as to why I have to wait another year or so to hold my son, and I don't want to mention that I just don't know if I'm going to make it.... which is why I haven't been writing lately. Ok, so I just mentioned it all, see do you understand now? I think I'm going crazy, slowly I will be getting worse in the next year. I yearn to hold him everyday, I haven't been crying which is great and an unbelievable thing for me, I just wake up every morning and say to my understanding husband "Ok, I'm ready now" I know so many out there have been waiting much longer and I'm trying to find strength through them but how the heck did you do it. I have told myself to stop blogging, stop reading, stop shopping stop everything and just go ahead with the year to come as if nothing is going on, well that lasted a whole minute. I just can't shut it off, I just wish I could find the switch. Every day I go over and over in my head about ways that this could possibly go by faster and come up empty handed....so needless to say i think I'm in a "FRUSTRATION" stage and hope to get passed it shortly.... Did I mention, I didn't want to mention any of this.....

I sure wish I could do this again....Smile... :(

Early Valentine's Day gift

Last month I had mentioned to my husband how cute it was that a fellow blogger (Rhonda) had received this beautiful statue gift with the parents and baby and that someone had darkened the baby. Well today I get home and I'm just doing my stuff while chatting on the phone and what do I find directly below my "Birth Mother" painting, this beautiful statue with a darkened baby. He said it was an early Valentines Day gift. Well after a few "OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD" and a few tears, I thought I would share it with you all. I am so grateful for having such a thoughtful husband. I just hope he realizes how much he means to me and how much this statue means to me. I love you more than words can describe.

Secret Pal Gift

I just love my monthly secret pal gift, what a great thing to go to the mail and among all the regular bills there is a gift for me, it makes me smile everytime and gives me something to look forward to everyone. This month I was greated by these two wonderful stuffed cuties. I mean, they would make anyone smile right?

Thank you Secret Pal for making me smile once again.

My son's wardrobe.

My mom and I were talking this weekend about the amount of clothes I have for Kaysen already. Upon my arrival last night I did a quick count and it looks like he has enough clothes to not wear the same thing twice in a month and if I begin to mix and match he could go with a few months worth of outfits without wearing the same one twice. He also has enough sleepers to not wear the same one twice for a month. Needless to say I won't have to do much laundry to keep his clothes replenished.....and I still have a year to go....wow. Will this slow me down? Not really. I will slow down this summer as I dont want to buy him summer clothes, as I don't know what size he will be during the summer. At least with fall/winter clothes he can wear it all year round. I'll have to put everything together and take a picture so you can all see how crazy it's getting. Go to love retail therapy.

Cambridge Get Together

This weekend, Chris, my mom, my dad and I took a road trip to Cambridge for the Ethiopian get together. We all felt over joyed seeing all the kids home with their families. They all looked so cute and happy. Running around playing, laughing and just being kids. It was so great to be able to associate reality to this journey. I felt I was a little shy to approach others as I didn't have a child with me but I'm sure the more of them I attend the more people I will meet. I just didn't want to bother others with my comments and questions. I did however get to meet some families from the blog world and others from the area and felt "Wow, we really aren't alone in this crazy situation" there were alot more people there than I would have expected. I guess I didn't think there were so many of us in Ontario.

I would like to thank Jacklyn for organizing such a great even for us and I look forward to the next. Hopefully it's sooner than later.

(I don't have any pictures, as I didn't think it was place to take pictures of others children)

After the get together we drove to Toronto and stayed there over night. My parents had never been up the CN Tower so we took a "COLD" walk over and went up. We even ventured outside up there and froze our areas off...lol but we had a great time. Everytime i'm back in the city it makes me want to move back. I would love to move into the city but having 3 dogs and a child on the way it's not a possibility. Something I should have done in my early 20s. Oh well, visiting is just as good. We also discussed a possible New York/Philly road trip this summer, so i'm excited.

2 Months

Well, 2 months and one day and one day to be exact. It feels so good to be past the one month mark, on to the 3rd.

New President New Hope

Introducing the 44th American President and Family. Hoping for change.

New friends and Ugly Doll

On Thursday evening I had the pleasure of meeting a couple, Michelle and Bruce, who are from the area that have just started their home study and are planning an adoption from Ethiopia. It was nice to sit down with someone that has the same fears I had at that stage and to help them understand the process a little better. Unfortunately for them I didn't sugar coat it and did let them know that it will be a hard process but it will be worth it in the end. Upon my arrival I was greeted with not only friendly faces and new found friendship but as well with a gift. My very first "Ugly doll" she made the doll, I was so surprised and appreciative of the gift. It's one of the cutest things I have for Kaysen and the fact that she made it, makes it even better. So this post is dedicated to Michelle and Bruce and to our new local adoptive parents. It was a pleasure meeting you both and I look forward to sharing this journey with you and experiencing yours as well.

I also received an email from a second couple from the area today, Sarah and Alex, who I will have the pleasure of meeting tomorrow morning. I think it's so great that there are more families in our area embarking on this journey, it will not only provide us with the local support needed but will give our son some people to relate to. Meeting these couples is such an exciting thing for me and to know that I may be able to help them get through it a tad bit easier due to having been there will be a true joy. Yeahhhhh to locals adopting.

Here's a pic of me with my "ugly doll".

7 Things about me

I was tagged by Rana to let you all know 7 things about me that you may or may not already know.
1. I would love to go back to school and become a chef. I truly enjoy cooking and feel that I have missed my calling.
2.I knew about my infertility by the age of 12 (if not earlier), I have always said that I wouldn't be able to have babies, and everytime I got into a serious relationship that would be something I would mention. I only found out medically at the age of 24. I guess my insides knew....pretty sad I know.
3. I absolutely love eating pasta in a deep bowl, I find it makes it taste better than in a plate and I love to eat it while watching TV and not at the kitchen table
4. I had to stop reading about Adoption before bed as I couldn't sleep anymore.
5. I am deathly scared of heights, however I love plane rides and would go for a plane ride just for fun if I could
6. Everything big that happens in my life has a dedicated journal, I love to write what is going on at the time and reflex on it later. These big things are stuff like trips, wedding, adoption...ect..
7. I truly believe in my heart that I have found my soul mate, and feel lucky as I know not everyone gets the same experience.

I'm suppose to tag 7 others, but since alot of you have already been tagged, I invite anyone who hasn't been tagged to join in and let us know more about you.....

WORDLESS WEDNESDAY