My new moto.....Change is Good!
Try it...!
Isabella's Age
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Change is good....
With the big news in the post below, we have been trying to cut back on everything in an attempt to save as much money as we possibly can....including no more expensive hair coloring/cuts...I've been blond for a very long time but with having to buy a box at the store I figured this may be easier to handle....have a look...what do you think?
My new moto.....Change is Good!
Try it...!
My new moto.....Change is Good!
Try it...!
Friday, June 11, 2010
Change is good.....Adoption news
Hello fellow blog readers. Now that our families are aware I would like to let you all know the news we have. Here is the email we sent to friends and family with the news. Before you read this, we want to thank you all in advance for understanding our decision and for your continued support.
"Hello Everyone,
We first would like to say sorry we didn't call you all to give you this news, but there are too many of you and this email should explain everything. Please do not hesistate to call us ********* or email us if you have any questions.
As you all know, last summer our agency in Ontario went bankrupt and our adoption dream was shattered. It felt to us like we had lost a child. Although we didn't know what he looked like, Kaysen was a large part of our daily lives and hearts. Giving up on him was not an issue. So we stayed with our agency, paid more money, and stayed with the newly restructured agency. In Dec, the agency started referrals again and just this month the first families will be brining some children home. In January we recieved our "number" on the list (82) what this number meant was that there were 82 families ahead of us before we could finally see our little baby. It was exciting but, after going through such pain, always kept a protective wall up. Referrals were going great and our number was going down....then referrals stopped/slowed down and new disappointments came on a monthly/weekly basis.....new government regulations, new paper work needed and the dreaded two visits. All of which would make our wall bigger and bigger but we kept strong and going. These slow downs only extended our wait and we were starting to look at approx. 2 more years if not more. In case you didn't hear, we were now required to go to Ethiopia twice. The first time to pass court where we would fly across the world, see our future son for a minute (no bonding allowed at all) and then fly back and wait up to 6+ months before going back to pick him up....complete torture. Not to mention the extra $$$ needed for the extra travel. But again, we swallowed the news and kept going. Which brings us to today.
Moving to BC, has not only been an amazing experience but a reflection period. We found out that it would end up costing us even more as we need all our home study done again, and all our paper work has expired (2yrs) so in other words we were starting over, except for the wait. Financially we are done...we have no more money to give to a program that is on thin ice and can collapes any day. Giving up on being parents was not an option but switching programs was. Living in BC allows us a few more options than living in ON. Weird as it's the same country but new province, new rules.
OK....here is the reason for the email.....We have made the decision to switch programs. This is our last shot....we are still trying to figure out how we will make this one work but we have to do what we can to be parents.....if this doesn't work we will have to be done....but it WILL work we have to believe.
The program we are switching to is in the US. We will be adopting from Florida. The program isn't available in ON but is here. The financial commit will be no more than if we had stayed with the Ethiopian program but is still outrageous. I know you are asking, what about the money in the other program....unfortunately for us ALL the money we have spent on the other program is gone. The good thing with this new program is that we don't have to give money until we know what the money is for. We won't disclose how much we have spent so far but it was alot and we have no idea to this day where all that money has gone. The new program will provide us with a list of what we are paying for and why...which will be a large difference.
The Ethiopian program was a program that was based on a waiting list, depending on when you sent your dossier to Ethiopia is where you were on the list. The Floriday program is a "family chooses" program. Where we submit our profile and wait for a family to choose us to raise their child. The baby will be a newborn baby (within a week or two old), he/she may be a male or female and the baby will still be African-American or Biracial. Most families have been placed with their child within a year, so our fingers are crossed that we get chosen fast.
This has been a really hard decision as we have to let go of "the idea" of Kaysen. We have decided we will start a fresh start and let go of the name and the program. We do have the option of keeping both programs going but for Financial reasons we are not able to. It may be hard for some of you to understand but we have had to grieve Kaysen and move on. The last few years will always be a part of our lives and we have to believe that things happen for a reason. Maybe the baby for us is just not in Ethiopia but from the US.
We thank you all for your continued support and ask that you pray that this final try for us will be a success.
Again, if you have any questions, do let us know.
Love Nat and Chris "
As mentioned in the letter, Kaysen will always be a part of our lives and this part of our journey to parenthood will never be forgotten, the grieving is still a prominent part of our lives and letting go is a scary thing. I will continue to support you all in your journey to Ethiopia but please understand that I will no longer be checking in on the board for updates as it's easier to just let it go completely.
I sent out the paperwork to the new agency here today and as of yet we have not let go of our Ethiopian Adoption. We want to make sure all goes well at this end and once we are officially waiting in the US program we will let the other one go.
I'll keep you posted as there are new adventures to come our way. I ask you all as well to please pray that we made the right decision and that our journey to becoming a family will finally come true.
Xoxoxo
"Hello Everyone,
We first would like to say sorry we didn't call you all to give you this news, but there are too many of you and this email should explain everything. Please do not hesistate to call us ********* or email us if you have any questions.
As you all know, last summer our agency in Ontario went bankrupt and our adoption dream was shattered. It felt to us like we had lost a child. Although we didn't know what he looked like, Kaysen was a large part of our daily lives and hearts. Giving up on him was not an issue. So we stayed with our agency, paid more money, and stayed with the newly restructured agency. In Dec, the agency started referrals again and just this month the first families will be brining some children home. In January we recieved our "number" on the list (82) what this number meant was that there were 82 families ahead of us before we could finally see our little baby. It was exciting but, after going through such pain, always kept a protective wall up. Referrals were going great and our number was going down....then referrals stopped/slowed down and new disappointments came on a monthly/weekly basis.....new government regulations, new paper work needed and the dreaded two visits. All of which would make our wall bigger and bigger but we kept strong and going. These slow downs only extended our wait and we were starting to look at approx. 2 more years if not more. In case you didn't hear, we were now required to go to Ethiopia twice. The first time to pass court where we would fly across the world, see our future son for a minute (no bonding allowed at all) and then fly back and wait up to 6+ months before going back to pick him up....complete torture. Not to mention the extra $$$ needed for the extra travel. But again, we swallowed the news and kept going. Which brings us to today.
Moving to BC, has not only been an amazing experience but a reflection period. We found out that it would end up costing us even more as we need all our home study done again, and all our paper work has expired (2yrs) so in other words we were starting over, except for the wait. Financially we are done...we have no more money to give to a program that is on thin ice and can collapes any day. Giving up on being parents was not an option but switching programs was. Living in BC allows us a few more options than living in ON. Weird as it's the same country but new province, new rules.
OK....here is the reason for the email.....We have made the decision to switch programs. This is our last shot....we are still trying to figure out how we will make this one work but we have to do what we can to be parents.....if this doesn't work we will have to be done....but it WILL work we have to believe.
The program we are switching to is in the US. We will be adopting from Florida. The program isn't available in ON but is here. The financial commit will be no more than if we had stayed with the Ethiopian program but is still outrageous. I know you are asking, what about the money in the other program....unfortunately for us ALL the money we have spent on the other program is gone. The good thing with this new program is that we don't have to give money until we know what the money is for. We won't disclose how much we have spent so far but it was alot and we have no idea to this day where all that money has gone. The new program will provide us with a list of what we are paying for and why...which will be a large difference.
The Ethiopian program was a program that was based on a waiting list, depending on when you sent your dossier to Ethiopia is where you were on the list. The Floriday program is a "family chooses" program. Where we submit our profile and wait for a family to choose us to raise their child. The baby will be a newborn baby (within a week or two old), he/she may be a male or female and the baby will still be African-American or Biracial. Most families have been placed with their child within a year, so our fingers are crossed that we get chosen fast.
This has been a really hard decision as we have to let go of "the idea" of Kaysen. We have decided we will start a fresh start and let go of the name and the program. We do have the option of keeping both programs going but for Financial reasons we are not able to. It may be hard for some of you to understand but we have had to grieve Kaysen and move on. The last few years will always be a part of our lives and we have to believe that things happen for a reason. Maybe the baby for us is just not in Ethiopia but from the US.
We thank you all for your continued support and ask that you pray that this final try for us will be a success.
Again, if you have any questions, do let us know.
Love Nat and Chris "
As mentioned in the letter, Kaysen will always be a part of our lives and this part of our journey to parenthood will never be forgotten, the grieving is still a prominent part of our lives and letting go is a scary thing. I will continue to support you all in your journey to Ethiopia but please understand that I will no longer be checking in on the board for updates as it's easier to just let it go completely.
I sent out the paperwork to the new agency here today and as of yet we have not let go of our Ethiopian Adoption. We want to make sure all goes well at this end and once we are officially waiting in the US program we will let the other one go.
I'll keep you posted as there are new adventures to come our way. I ask you all as well to please pray that we made the right decision and that our journey to becoming a family will finally come true.
Xoxoxo
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Why?
That seems to be the only title I can think of lately. I just don't understand, WHY? What is the reason we have to go through all this? Why can't decisions be made for us or someone lead us in the right direction. I know I haven't written in a while and it's because it's easier that way. Of course I want to tell you all how life in BC has been and I will but it's just easier to not read, write, comment, speak about, read about or do anything else that has to do with the adoption. I'M DONE!!!!! I know many of you reading this will understand what I mean but to those who don't, what i'm saying is that i'm done with the hurting, I DON'T WANT TO HURT NO MORE!!!!
All I want is for us to be parents, to help guide a child into life and enrich their life with love and laughter as they would do for us. I can't believe I have put Chris and I through all this. we thought adoption was the best way for us, we thought, why spend money trying to create a child when there are so many out there that need a home. But lately I keep second guessing myself. I just don't know what to do. I can deal with the wait but what I can't deal with is the emotions and the financials. You will notice that I have tried to avoid anything too negative in my blog as I am writing this for my future son, and I would never want him to think I didn't want him, which is why i haven't mentioned the cost too much, but i'm done, i'm done trying to make believe everything is AOK. It's not, we have to come up with alot more money to get a home study redone and all our documents redone, because we moved to BC and because our paperwork will expire soon. It's just like starting over, except that we have a place in line. We then have to come up with travel money twice, vaccine money, post placement money and we still won't have a child for a long time. The well is dry and I don't know what to do. When we started this adoption I was in Real Estate and although we didn't make millions, I would get nice cheques to cover all these extras, but now I don't have those anymore and I really don't know what to do.
I know I can go back to Real Estate but the amount of debt Real Estate has placed on us over the years is not worth it. I keep telling myself we will figure it out, but what are we suppose to do. I know we could go to the bank to get a loan, but that well is going dry as well. there is just so much they are willing to give us. I keep telling myself that there has to be a cut off point, where we just can't go anymore, but the dream and hopes inside of us will not let us do it. I no longer feel like the end result will be us holding our son, I now feel that we will have to drop out because we won't have the money to keep going. We still have over a year (or more) to go and things have been changing all the time, and it's always more money, more wait. I hope and pray everyday that money will come, that we will be able to move ahead, that we will hold our son.....but I just don't know how.
So again, I ask
WHY did this happen
WHY are we still crying about this years after it should have been done
WHY can't someone else tell us what we need to do
and most of all
WHY CAN'T WE BE PARENTS!!!!!!!!!!
All I want is for us to be parents, to help guide a child into life and enrich their life with love and laughter as they would do for us. I can't believe I have put Chris and I through all this. we thought adoption was the best way for us, we thought, why spend money trying to create a child when there are so many out there that need a home. But lately I keep second guessing myself. I just don't know what to do. I can deal with the wait but what I can't deal with is the emotions and the financials. You will notice that I have tried to avoid anything too negative in my blog as I am writing this for my future son, and I would never want him to think I didn't want him, which is why i haven't mentioned the cost too much, but i'm done, i'm done trying to make believe everything is AOK. It's not, we have to come up with alot more money to get a home study redone and all our documents redone, because we moved to BC and because our paperwork will expire soon. It's just like starting over, except that we have a place in line. We then have to come up with travel money twice, vaccine money, post placement money and we still won't have a child for a long time. The well is dry and I don't know what to do. When we started this adoption I was in Real Estate and although we didn't make millions, I would get nice cheques to cover all these extras, but now I don't have those anymore and I really don't know what to do.
I know I can go back to Real Estate but the amount of debt Real Estate has placed on us over the years is not worth it. I keep telling myself we will figure it out, but what are we suppose to do. I know we could go to the bank to get a loan, but that well is going dry as well. there is just so much they are willing to give us. I keep telling myself that there has to be a cut off point, where we just can't go anymore, but the dream and hopes inside of us will not let us do it. I no longer feel like the end result will be us holding our son, I now feel that we will have to drop out because we won't have the money to keep going. We still have over a year (or more) to go and things have been changing all the time, and it's always more money, more wait. I hope and pray everyday that money will come, that we will be able to move ahead, that we will hold our son.....but I just don't know how.
So again, I ask
WHY did this happen
WHY are we still crying about this years after it should have been done
WHY can't someone else tell us what we need to do
and most of all
WHY CAN'T WE BE PARENTS!!!!!!!!!!
Friday, May 7, 2010
49
We received our May update today and it looks like our new number is 49. We are under the 50 mark, what a great feeling. I know there has been alot of speculation as to the "LIST" and if it's a good or bad thing to know our number on the "LIST", but I think it's great. Everytime our number goes down everyone gets excited. It makes it real and the fact that we actually know it's going down is making it more real every day.
Although i'm excited about the numbers going down the update also mentioned the rules of our first court date visit to Ethiopia. It looks like our visit will be very casual with no one on one time with the child as they don't want us to start bonding with the him. If we pass court during our visit we will get to meet him again and be allowed to provide him with a gift and photos but it won't be a long visit, again because they don't want us bonding just yet. I'm still struggling on a daily basis with this first visit, I mean, how the heck am I going to get through it with some sanity left over? But I know I will somehow find the strenght and soon after we will get to hold him and never let him go.
They also mentioned in the update the rules if we want to stay in Ethiopia with our son between court and visa, which can be anywhere between 4-6 mths we can but we would have to be completely on our own with no help from our agency as we would have to waive all their responsibilities, which will mean that if something happens back home we would not be able to leave or is something happens there we would be in a foreign country alone. I think that would a very hard thing to do, and not knowing how long it will be would tough as well. That be said, trust me, if I could afford to live there for 6 months and not work I would, but there is no way it can be done.
There are many things in this journey that will bring us down, twist us around, make us think we can't take anymore and often make us feel like we want to give up. But everyday is a new day, a one day closer to being a family. We all have to remember why we took this journey, what the end result will be, what we've been through and most of all how lucky we are to still be counting the days. Cheers to 49 and counting....:)
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Missed it again.... 17 months
We have reached 17months waiting for a referral. With all the excitment and changes in our lives it's come and gone and we didn't even realize. The good thing it that we are able to forget about it...never thought that would happen. Don't get me wrong, Kaysen is always on our minds but the wait is not. On to 18!
Road trip to BC
I've been in my new home since Saturday evening and I LOVE IT. The scenery around my place is undescribable. (Pictures to follow)
On April 22nd 2010, my mom, dad and I brought Jake and Ziggy to the airport in Sudbury for their flight to Vancouver. Once they were all secured in the kennels, Maddux and I said our goodbyes to Mom and Dad and off we went to pick up my friend M. We were on the road by 10am and drove to Thunder Bay, arriving at 10:30pm. We got stopped just outside of Sudbury by some protesters. It was a bunch of native teenagers protesting the fact that they have to pay the new HST tax. I will refrain from saying anything else about that incident, except that it backed us up by one hour. Once in Thunder Bay, we got a room at the Landmark Hotel, quite shady, but it did the trick and got a few hours sleep.
We left day two at 7am, heading towards Winnipeg, MB. Just out of Thunder Bay I got pulled over for going 112km/h in a 90km/h and of course the police officer was kind enough to give me the full fine. Gotta love it. It did prevent me from going 10km over for the remainder of the trip, which is a miracle for me. We made it to Regina, SK on day 2 after a 14hr car ride. The prairies were nice and flat with a great speed limit of 110km/h, something we are not used to in Ontario. It was weird, I was staying at 110km most of the way because in my mind that was speeding...lol
Anyways, once in Regina we stayed at the Super 8, grabbed some food and went to sleep. We were on the road again by 7am and off we went, not knowing when we would stop that day.....well 17 hrs later I was home. Once in Calgary, AB we had a great little snow storm slow us down, but once we hit the mountains the weather cleared up and WOW was all that was said in the car for the next few hours. The view is unbelievable. Something everyone in the world should see at least once in their lives. So beautiful. The picture above is of one of the stops we made in the mountains to let Maddux stretch. Once in Kamloops, I dropped M off with a friend of hers and I kept going to Logan Lake, BC., our new home. I was a zombie by the time I got home. I hadn't seen my husband in 2 months but I just couldn't find the energy to get excited. Maddux was done as well...he was such a trooper during the road trip, never complained once just sat in the back seat and enjoyed the view. If it was Jake he would have drove me nuts with his crying, but not Maddux, he was a great road trip buddy.
The next morning we got up and I got to look out my window in the day time for the first time and OMG.... there are gorgeous views all around the house. We are situated on top of a hill in Logan Lake and everywhere you look it takes your breath away. From my picture window I get to see the snow capped rockies, and from our back deck I get to see more mountains...just amazing.
Chris then took me for a ride to Kamloops, which was also dark when I came through the night before and I couldn't believe it....I still can't believe how beautiful it is. If anyone reading this ever wants to experience such beauty just let me know as pictures cannot do it justice.
We have been exploring our little town since I got here, with daily walks and boy are my legs sore but I love it. It's quite a drive from Kamloops, 30 minutes but that is something that will get better with time. The peacefulness and beauty is definitely worth the drive.
Everywhere I look I picture our life with Kaysen and it's something I can't wait to share.
When we lived in Sudbury we really didn't have anything to show guest when they came but it's a whole different story here, there is so much to see that it will take more than one visit.
I am loving it here and don't regret the move at all. The cross country drive was something I'm happy I experienced, but not something I ever need to do again. I think every Canadian should do it as it's amazing to see the difference from one Province to the next. I'm now going to have to plan a trip to do the East side of the country, but first I have lots to explore around here.
Yay to our new adventure, and Yay to being together as a family again.
6 yrs ago today....
I married my best friend. I never knew our love could get better and grow stronger every year but it does. I can't even imagine what it will be like for years to come. We have been through quite a few adventures in our years together and what a great way to start year 7, in a new town and new province.
Cheers to many more years together as a family. xoxox
Monday, April 19, 2010
Happy Birthday Dad
I wanted to wish my father a wonderful birthday today. On this day I would also like to thank you for being my dad. The lessons in life I learnt from you have been something I cherish on a daily basis. Your love and support is always reassuring. Your strenght has lifted me up many times in my life, I thank god everyday that you are my father. I hope you enjoy this year more than the last year and that everyday brings you new adventures.
I love you very much. xoxox
Monday, April 12, 2010
You will be missed, Charlie
It's a sad day for the Fournier/Beaudry household today. Our sweet dog Charlie has passed away. Charlie has been a member of our family for the last 12 1/2 years. He was a sweet dog that brought us smiles on a daily basis. His crooked smile will never be forgotten. Thank you being such a sweet dog Charles, you will truly missed by us all. I hope your new journey will be full of fields for you to run in, full of friends to play with and full of piece and pain free. We love you.
Here are a few pics I have of Charlie.
Here are a few pics I have of Charlie.
Friday, April 2, 2010
Rededication....to my wonderful husband
EDIT***I had dedicated a Celine Dion song (song for you) to Chris, yesterday but this one says it much better....and he'll like it better as well.
This song is dedicated to my husband, it describes the way I feel about you. You are my strenght, my half, you are everything to me. I love you and thank God everyday for the gift of having you in my life.
I hope to sing this song while putting our precious son to bed someday.
I love you
This song is dedicated to my husband, it describes the way I feel about you. You are my strenght, my half, you are everything to me. I love you and thank God everyday for the gift of having you in my life.
I hope to sing this song while putting our precious son to bed someday.
I love you
Two Trips
We received the email yesterday that confirmed we must travel to Ethiopia twice. The Ethiopian courts have decided it's best for the children for us to meet them before we become legally theirs and then to leave them, only to come back a few months later to pick them up.
Seeing as I have a million things on my mind, like packing, driving cross country (Maddux is way to frightful to take the flight, Ziggy and Jake are still flying) and settling into my new life in BC that stressing about this now is not at the top of my list. I know it will be the hardest thing I will do, leaving him there, but if that's what it takes for us to be a family, I'll do what I have to do. It will be the biggest test of my inner strenght, something I will need alot of to become a mother.
Seeing as I have a million things on my mind, like packing, driving cross country (Maddux is way to frightful to take the flight, Ziggy and Jake are still flying) and settling into my new life in BC that stressing about this now is not at the top of my list. I know it will be the hardest thing I will do, leaving him there, but if that's what it takes for us to be a family, I'll do what I have to do. It will be the biggest test of my inner strenght, something I will need alot of to become a mother.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
16
With all the excitement of booking my tickets I completely forgot to write about our 16th month. It's come and passed and I wasn't dwelling on it. It's not a bad thing but it still isn't fun.
On to the next....
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Booked
I officially booked our tickets today. Jake and Maddux fly out on April 22nd, Ziggy and I on the 26th. The airline only allows two animals per plane so Jake and Maddux will go first and I will bring Ziggy with me when I go. I'm sick to my stomach thinking of them all sitting in a dark plane cargo for hours but if not they would be stuck in my small Civic for a 4 day drive, which would be more like 6 with the dogs. I've been reassured by many that they will be okay but it makes me very nervous. I can't wait to see Chris and move into our new home. It is so exciting to think we are begining a new life in a new town and new province. This is something I would have never seen coming.
It feels official now and it's a good feeling. This weekend I start packing , not sure where to begin but it should be a productive few days.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Cheque is in the mail
I sent in the final installment payment to Imagine this morning. It was strange as everytime i've sent them a cheque in the past I felt a surge of excitment and hope. But today I just drop it off as if it was just any other piece of mail. No excitment, not thinging about it more than that, no extra hope, just nothing.
I'm guessing it's caused by knowing what "loss of hope" feels like and having to get through so many disappointments that i've become somewhat numb to certain things that would normally excite me. I find it sad to feel that way, this should have been an exciting day but with the latest increase in disappointment every few weeks it's hard to stay focused.
Needless to say, the cheque is in the mail, the final installment is paid and now we wait for some news. Here's hoping the next payment I send to them is the post referral payment and we are that much closer to our son.
EDIT*** I received a question from this post that I would like to clarify. My dear blogger friend asked what I meant by Post referral payment? What I meant by that is the money we have to pay to the agency for Post placement updates. This payment is to pay for all paperwork and work needed by Imagine to send in our post placement updates to the country. When we signed up we payed all our fees except for that one as it was only due after referral. I'm not too sure if this payment is no longer required but I would assume it is. Sorry for making anyone panick, I would go nuts too if I read I needed to come up with more money. That's all we've been doing lately...more money...no advance.
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Saying Goodbye.
Baby Owen at 8mths oldMy brother, Denis, his wife, Laura, and baby Owen just left from a weekend visit. It was nice to have them over and even better now that the house is sold and I didn't have to worry about it. We had a great time together but of course it wasn't long enough.
Denis walking the baby and dog, Kylie
Today as they were leaving it really hit me that I won't see them regularly anymore. I'll get to see them again before I leave but once i'm moved it will be only a few times a year if we are lucky. It's so strange to be so excited to start a new life in a new place but yet it's so hard to say goodbye to the part I wish I could take with me.
Matante Nat enjoying a visit with Owen and a few laughs.
Baby Owen is almost 10 months old now and he has grown up so much (as you can all see from the cute pictures) and he will grow up without me being close which I find so hard. We had so many plans to have Kaysen and Owen hang out, but with Kaysen's delay and my moving all plans have changed. One thing I promise is to still know my nephew and have Kaysen know my brother and his family. Whether through Skype, or visits they will know each other if we all make an effort.
How cute is that smile?!
I know moving is the best thing for our family, and being with Chris is the most important thing but it's still really hard to leave all that you know and most of all leaving your loved ones behind.
Thanks again for the wonderful visit Den, Laura and Baby Owen. I know it's not easy traveling with a little one and I appreciate the visit more than you will ever know.
I love you all very much and will miss you greatly. I sure can't wait for your visit to our new home. xoxoxo
Our cool boy, Baby O
Thursday, March 18, 2010
SOLD SOLD SOLD
Our house if officially SOLD...YAYYYYYYY We are so excited. We will be moving at the end of April and starting our new life in BC. I can't believe it, this is such great news. Great news that we deserved...if I do say so myself. I haven't posted anything about our offer because I was so worried that it wouldn't happen if I said something but today the buyers removed the conditions and we are good to go.
I'm still shaking from excitement. Chris found us a home on Friday as well so we are just waiting for the final word from the bank and we will be new home owners in Logan Lake BC, which is approx. 30min from Kamloops. We found a super home for an even more super price. We will have to travel to get to work but it's worth the 100000$ we saved by purchasing out of the city.
I can't wait to see my sister and her family and be close to them again. I'm sad to be leaving my brother and his family but I will be coming to see them as often as I can and vow to still know my nephew Owen.
Logan Lake scenery
Friday, March 12, 2010
This Ones Really Hard to Swallow
I'm still trying to figure out how I will move on with this latest news and learn to accept it.
It seems some adoptive parents out there have gone to Ethiopia to pick up their children only to change their minds and leave them their. Making these children unavailable for adoption as their completed adoption cannot be revoked. They would sadly have to stay in the system forever.
What this has done is somewhat forced the government to look at changing the rules for picking up your children. What they are now wanting is that we go to Ethiopia, meet our child, make a decision to continue, represent ourselves in court as his/her future parents and then leave, come home wait for the Visa to be approved and go back to pick the child up. Yep, two trips, one of them leaving our child behind. I know there are many countries out there that have this procedure in place for adoptions. However, when we looked at all the countries out there, the one visit factor had a major impact on our decision.
I know myself and know that I will NOT be able to leave Kaysen behind. After waiting years and years and years to finally see him, hold him, feed him, physically love him instead of just in my heart, there is NO WAY i'll be able to leave. Leave him in the care of others, take a 16 hrs flight home without him; live months at home without him; and wait everyday on pins and needles waiting to get the call to go back get him. I just can't wrap my head around it and I'm not sure if I ever will.
Every let down we have been through so far, including the bankruptcy, has been something we have somehow been able to find strenght and get through. But this I don't think so. I'll be okay for now, but when the time comes I honestly don't know how I will do it.
How a parent can change their minds at the last minute and leave them there is unimaginable to me and I feel so sad for the children left behind. I also completely understand why they would want to protect the children and know that I will want to stay to protect my child once he is legally mine and will not want to leave.
Every few weeks there is a new disappointment. A large part of me just wants to give up. I won't give up, but I want to. I can't hurt anymore, I just want to be happy. As Chris said yesterday, there is no way we would ever forgive ourselves for taking the easy way out and giving up but the thought at this point seems like the only way to stop the hurt.
We always imagine the day we will finally get to hold our son and bring him home, which is what keeps us going from day to day. Now knowing we have to leave him will make it so much harder but our love for each other, our family and our son will keep us going, on the thought of someday FINALLY BEING TOGETHER AS ONE.
I ask the question again. WHY?
It seems some adoptive parents out there have gone to Ethiopia to pick up their children only to change their minds and leave them their. Making these children unavailable for adoption as their completed adoption cannot be revoked. They would sadly have to stay in the system forever.
What this has done is somewhat forced the government to look at changing the rules for picking up your children. What they are now wanting is that we go to Ethiopia, meet our child, make a decision to continue, represent ourselves in court as his/her future parents and then leave, come home wait for the Visa to be approved and go back to pick the child up. Yep, two trips, one of them leaving our child behind. I know there are many countries out there that have this procedure in place for adoptions. However, when we looked at all the countries out there, the one visit factor had a major impact on our decision.
I know myself and know that I will NOT be able to leave Kaysen behind. After waiting years and years and years to finally see him, hold him, feed him, physically love him instead of just in my heart, there is NO WAY i'll be able to leave. Leave him in the care of others, take a 16 hrs flight home without him; live months at home without him; and wait everyday on pins and needles waiting to get the call to go back get him. I just can't wrap my head around it and I'm not sure if I ever will.
Every let down we have been through so far, including the bankruptcy, has been something we have somehow been able to find strenght and get through. But this I don't think so. I'll be okay for now, but when the time comes I honestly don't know how I will do it.
How a parent can change their minds at the last minute and leave them there is unimaginable to me and I feel so sad for the children left behind. I also completely understand why they would want to protect the children and know that I will want to stay to protect my child once he is legally mine and will not want to leave.
Every few weeks there is a new disappointment. A large part of me just wants to give up. I won't give up, but I want to. I can't hurt anymore, I just want to be happy. As Chris said yesterday, there is no way we would ever forgive ourselves for taking the easy way out and giving up but the thought at this point seems like the only way to stop the hurt.
We always imagine the day we will finally get to hold our son and bring him home, which is what keeps us going from day to day. Now knowing we have to leave him will make it so much harder but our love for each other, our family and our son will keep us going, on the thought of someday FINALLY BEING TOGETHER AS ONE.
I ask the question again. WHY?
Friday, March 5, 2010
Can't take much more....
We received an update today from Imagine. Looks like the referrals will be slowing down in the next few months as MOWA has decided to no longer issue adoption letters for certain regions of Ethiopia to try and discourage parents relinquishing their rights.
Well wouldn't you know it, we are working with 4 orphanages and 3 of the 4 are in the regions they have decided not to approve....:(
I just don't understand how much more we are suppose to take. I know I will have people saying..." it's only temporary" "stay positive" and so on... but save it, today I'm disappointed discouraged, wanting to give up. Chris and I have been through so much in wanting to start a family. Why is it so hard? We got through the bankruptcy, and I was very reserved in getting excited again. Then the referrals started, and of course my hopes were up again....and now this. I feel it would be so much easier to say "I'm done, let's move on" but my heart would never let it happen.
WHY CAN'T THINGS JUST HAPPEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well wouldn't you know it, we are working with 4 orphanages and 3 of the 4 are in the regions they have decided not to approve....:(
I just don't understand how much more we are suppose to take. I know I will have people saying..." it's only temporary" "stay positive" and so on... but save it, today I'm disappointed discouraged, wanting to give up. Chris and I have been through so much in wanting to start a family. Why is it so hard? We got through the bankruptcy, and I was very reserved in getting excited again. Then the referrals started, and of course my hopes were up again....and now this. I feel it would be so much easier to say "I'm done, let's move on" but my heart would never let it happen.
WHY CAN'T THINGS JUST HAPPEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Back to BC
I just got back from dropping Chris off at the airport as we must return to real life now and must go back to BC. It was hard seeing him go but I think i'll be okay. This time I only have one month to be alone as my parents come back from Arizona in a month. I have also decided to not spend the next months sitting on my butt and gaining weight like I did last time. I've decided to get off my butt, visit people, and just live. The last few months were very hard as I went to work, walked the dogs and that was about it, I don't want to do that again. Why make things harder than they need to be right?
So here's to another few months of waiting, hopefully good things happen with the house and we get a finishing date to this seperation but I will take it one day at a time, and will find things to do with myself in the mean time. I do have a great book to read after all....
So here's to another few months of waiting, hopefully good things happen with the house and we get a finishing date to this seperation but I will take it one day at a time, and will find things to do with myself in the mean time. I do have a great book to read after all....
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